What’s The Payoff of Being Negative?

A few weeks ago at a marketing workshop I got the greatest gift – spending three days with the most amazing and positive people. Learning in that environment was incredibly productive and so much fun!

For obvious reasons, we all like being around positive people.  Do you spend the majority of your time with positive people? Sometimes we have to tolerate negative people – maybe at work, or our in-laws. But we don’t have to put up with it from our friends.

Do you speak up to your friends about their negativity?  If you don’t, aren’t you implying it’s okay for them to be negative?

You know, in the past, I thought I could just ignore friends’ negativity and focus on what was great about them.  But I learned that it had an impact on me – it was draining.

I’m never drained when I’m working with clients who are dealing with feeling negative. They want to change.  They want to view the world through a positive filter and just need a little help to shift their perspective.

Take a look at how you’re viewing a negative friend.  Are you seeing them as a victim and that makes their negativity okay?  Maybe you say to yourself: “They’ve had such a tough life, no wonder they’re negative.”  The trouble is that doesn’t help them or you.

Let’s see if we can shift how you see them, for your sake and theirs.

Understanding The Negative Outlook

A negative person is keeping themselves stuck in negative energy. You get what you think about whether you want it or not.  So if you think negatively about life, that’s what you’ll get: more experiences that will make you think negatively about life and yourself.

What if you saw your friend as fully capable of creating a wonderful life?  What if you realized that by staying in negativity they were actually using it as an excuse to not be victorious?  I see this one a lot.

There is a huge payoff for not being victorious: “Being Right!”  

It’s a big one.  The ego loves to be right.  “I’m a victim and nothing will ever change that.”  It’s a lousy way to live.

Wayne Dyer in his book, “Excuses Begone” tells us that being right “lets people retreat into the illusion of winning.” He explains that people who use the “being right” payoff think they’re right, everyone else is wrong.  The rest are all losers and they’re a winner.

This is the tact the ego takes to try to prop up low self-esteem, which of course never works, and keeps the person stuck in negativity and victimhood.

So look to see if your friend or spouse or siblings are negative because they want to be right.

Action Steps to Deal with Negative People

If this is what they’re doing, how can you shift your actions toward them?  First, I wouldn’t agree with them.  I wouldn’t make them wrong, I just wouldn’t agree with them.

See them as being victorious and encourage them in that direction.  We can choose to either be victims of our circumstances or victorious in our learning.

Then for your own sake, see yourself as not being a victim of their negative outlook on life.  Speak honestly to them of the impact it has on you.  You’re not a victim of their negative energy, but it does impact you.  It’s no fun.  If you’re a positive person, you don’t want to be around negative people for very long.

If it’s a phase they’re going through, get them the “Excuses Begone” book.  If this is how they’ve been since you’ve known them, then speak truthfully and compassionately to them and ask if they’ll shift to being positive when they’re around you. If they do, it will be great for them.

We know that if we focus on the positive then we will get more positive.  So for the sake of your spirit and theirs, choose to speak up, be positive and see them as the pure, positive energy they are.

Imagine the possibilities. . . .

© Carol Chanel