What’s Determination Got to Do With It? Everything!!!

What’s the one thing you are determined to do differently in your relationships or in your life this summer? With a healthy dose of determination I know you can accomplish it.

The American Heritage Dictionary definition of determination is “firmness of purpose, resolve.” We see it everyday in young and old alike.

Children and Determination

“Hey, this little kid gets roller skates. She puts them on. She stands up and almost flops over backwards. She sticks out a foot like she’s going somewhere and falls down and smacks her hand. She grabs hold of a step to get up and sticks out the other foot and slides about six inches and falls and skins her knee. And then, you know what? She brushes off the dirt and blood and puts some spit on it and then sticks out the other foot again.” Myra Cohn Livingston

I’ve noticed that determination is a powerful motivator. Do you remember learning to skate, or ride a bike or play a musical instrument? Have you watched a child learn to walk? Talk about determination. They’re loaded with it. They fall, clap their hands and get back and try again. Fall, laugh and try again. The child doesn’t have an ego that tells them they probably can’t succeed so they should just stick to crawling all their lives.

Women and Determination

Oprah Winfrey is the definition of determination: at the beginning of her career she was offered a job as a local anchor earning $22,000 a year. Her father told her to take the job. She refused. She was determined to do it her way. The results of her SUCCESS says it all. Today, $22,000 wouldn’t buy 10 seconds of ad time on her hugely popular show.

Men and Determination

A great competitive example of determination was the 2006 Indy 500. It was such an exciting finish.

As they approached the finish line of the 500-mile race, Sam Hornish Jr., a veteran driver, stunned the crowd by passing, Rookie of the Year, Marco Andretti and winning the race just .0635 of a second ahead of Andretti. Hornish earned $1,744,855 for his stunning victory.

Hornish knew it wasn’t over until he crossed the finish line. He didn’t give up. He wanted to win the Indy 500. In that final lap, he had tried to pass Andretti on the 3rd turn and failed. He didn’t fail on the 4th turn. This was Hornish’s first victory in seven tries. That’s determination.

I believe that more than the money, more than the victory, his belief in himself will be his biggest gain. Knowing that determination – resolve – pays off.
What Are You Determined To Do?

So you’re probably not interested in winning the Indy 500, or even becoming an Oprah. And I’m not talking about competing. But each one of us has something we want to do or change or become. Something we want to bring into our lives, complete or change. This isn’t about ego, this is your hearts desire and your willingness to be determined.

What are you determined to have or do this summer? Start right now.

It can be a simple thing. Like maybe this summer you want to wear more skirts. Maybe you want to learn to swim, water ski, sail or roller skate. Maybe you want to complete a photo album, change your hairstyle or color. Maybe you want to read a book you’ve put aside. I’m determined to be more flexible and I’ve committed to a wonderful daily yoga practice that includes focused, relaxing highly beneficial breathing.

Let’s look in the area of relationships. What are you determined about there?

I want to give you a suggestion. I would like to encourage you to be determined to listen to what you want. To be determined to believe that you can have the relationship of your dreams.

Sam Hornish competed in the Indy 500 seven times before he won. Oprah spent years and endured many setbacks while building her successful empire. You may have had 20 first dates, or a long-term live-in relationship or a marriage that didn’t work out as you wanted. If you want a loving, healthy, exciting, passionate relationship – DON’T GIVE UP.

Ego, Relationships and Determination

The only part of you that gives up is the ego. The heart knows what it wants – it doesn’t stop beating or desiring. The soul knows it’s all about love. Only the ego challenges you to believe the man doesn’t exist; or you’re too old, young, skinny, fat, too educated, not educated enough, too successful, not successful enough. Oh, the ego can go on and on, and on and on.

Don’t listen to it. Be determined, filled with a firmness of purpose, a resolve. A resolve to silence the ego. A firmness of purpose to not let it spoil things any more.

If you’re already in a relationship but you’re not feeling as great as you would like to about yourself, be determined to relearn the amazing things about yourself. Be determined to really see the truth about yourself. Not what your ego wants you to see. The truth.

If you’re in a relationship that isn’t working for you and you’ve tried everything, is it time to trust and leave? Trust that the Universe has someone better in mind for you? Trust that if you ask, you will receive? It’s true. You just have to be patient.

And it’s in the patience stage that the ego can come in and wreak havoc. Be determined to keep it quiet.

Be determined to like yourself. Be determined to believe in yourself! Be determined to hope again!! You weren’t meant to crawl. Dust yourself off and start all over again.

Determination is a choice. A great choice. Fill yourself with a firmness of purpose, a resolve.

imagine the possibilities…

© Carol Chanel

Q & A

From Stephanie, a 38-year-old real estate agent in Hermosa Beach

Q: Carol, I became a real estate agent a year ago and I really like it. I’m not as successful as I would like to be though. I notice I still lack the confidence that people will want to work with me. I think they’d rather work with someone else in my office. How do I overcome this lack of confidence in myself?

A: Stephanie, this is the challenge of all people in sales. The most important thing to remember is that most people hire you to represent them in buying or selling a house, first because they like you, and second because they think you can do the job.

So what type of people do you like to work with? That will be your guide for the type of clients you want to attract. If you like easy-going, stay-at-home moms whose husbands work, then you don’t want to represent two fast-paced attorneys who work 70 hours a week. So be clear about whom you want to work with.

Second, follow-up. In your business, as in all sales oriented businesses, follow up is everything. I mean everything. Call people back after you meet them. Send them properties to look at. Check in with them after your open house if you’re selling their property. Follow up.

Thirdly, listen. People want to know that you are listening to them. Listen and don’t show them a house that is way beyond their price range. Listen to their needs and requirements.

You can do this. You’ve lasted a year. That’s great. Keep going. Become determined to succeed in this business.

People work with people they like. A book I highly recommend is “Attracting Perfect Customers” by Stacey Hall and Jan Brogniez. You’ll get some great ideas to help you in your business.

And most importantly, Trust. Trust the Universe will send you the right people to work with. Then do your best and know that the Universe will send the right people to work with other agents too. Everyone wins when we just stay in the flow of the Universe. There are plenty of clients to go around.

Enjoy the process. I know there are a lot of details and people want to work with someone who enjoys their job. People want to work with someone who uplifts them. There are ups and downs in the process of buying and selling a home and if you’re an uplifter, your clients will remember it as a positive experience. They’ll work with you again and give you referrals.

Go for it Stephanie!!! GET DETERMINED TO SUCCEED!


If you want some assistance with enjoying your life more, I recommend a book we use in coaching called, “Taming Your Gremlin” by Richard Carson. Subtitled “A Guide to Enjoying Yourself.”

Richard is a psychotherapist who found a humorous way to help you cope with the self-defeating voices we all deal with in our minds. The book is easy and fun to read and yet filled with insight and guidance. I know determination becomes a whole lot easier when we aren’t battling negative thoughts.

I highly recommend it. Happy taming your gremlin and enjoying your life more!

Carol's Services

I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.

We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.

Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?

You can visit my website at:

You'll find other articles there and more in-depth information about both my services and me.

Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach

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