What Makes You Attractive?

Last night I was watching my husband of 15 years rehearse a song he had written to perform – singing and playing his guitar – as a surprise for the retiring president of his company. He had never done anything like this before. As I watched him I thought, WOW, he’s one se*y guy.

I started thinking, what makes someone attractive to the opposite sex?

Obviously there isn’t just one answer, and I think one of the most attractive things is when someone is enjoying expressing their talents and gifts.

Think about it – when you see someone singing, dancing, acting, laughing or talking about something they are passionate about, what do you notice?

There is an energy of aliveness that comes from the person. A truth if you will. A force that is magnetic.

Here’s what my husband, Robert, said about his performance:

“…just doing a little something like writing a song, or doing a performance, anything that draws the passion out, creates a rush of aliveness, you feel a physical change among other things, you find your ‘wings’.”

Can’t you just feel the joy in his words? An exuberance for life!

In contrast, you can tell when someone is shut down – they loose that aliveness and aren’t very attractive.

We’ve all felt unattractive and shut down. We literally shut down our creative juices. We disconnect from our flow of love, joy, creativity, passion.


So where do you want to feel more aliveness?

What part of your life has been shut down that you want to let loose?

I asked one of my clients this question and she said she wanted to have more dinner parties at her home. She loves entertaining and really feels alive when she’s putting on a party.

Another client is going to start art classes, and another one is planning a huge vacation she put off for too many years.

I just did that – took a long overdue vacation. It was the best thing in the world for my body, my marriage and my soul.

What is it for you?

Come on, what’s the thing you’ve wanted to do and talked yourself out of? You actually know it.

Do you sing in the shower or in the car? Do you talk passionately about a subject when no one is really listening? Do you write poetry and never share it? Do you love hiking or biking but never make the time for it? Have you been putting off working in your garden even though you love doing it?

Do you want to express your love and thought it might not be reciprocated? Do it anyway. You’ll benefit.


Make a commitment to yourself this holiday season to play and do something that has you come alive.

Not only will you be more attractive to others, more importantly, you’ll love how you feel about yourself.

That rush of energy that floods your body, heart and spirit; that feeling that you are doing something that is difficult yet is so exhilarating.


Here’s a little piece of advice. Don’t worry about doing it perfectly. This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about the joy of expression.

Your ego will tell you it has to be perfect. Tell your ego to go take a nap. Or to be quiet.

And if you make a mess of a painting – start over. If you write a poem that doesn’t make any sense – write another one. If you step on your partners toes learning a new dance step – apologize and dance in lighter shoes.

Most important when you make a mistake – CELEBRATE. Yes, celebrate your failure.

Everyone wins when you celebrate your mistakes and failures. You’ll relax and when others see you relax they will might try something they’ve been afraid of doing. They will give themselves permission to celebrate their failures.

These things are attractive: celebrating, trying, doing, playing, creating, laughing, and loving.

Make yourself happy by expressing your gifts and talents. Attract more good people into your life by doing what makes you come alive.

imagine the possibilities…

© Carol Chanel

Q & A

From a Diane a 43-year-old jewelry designer in San Antonio, Texas

Q: Carol, I’m a jewelry designer and I really love what I do and I’m successful by everyone’s standards. But there’s something missing from my life. I know there is something I’m supposed to do with my creative gift that I’m not currently doing.

I’ve thought about all sorts of things from painting, to interior design, to teaching design to adults. Nothing jumps out and says that’s it.

How can I find it and take the next step?

A: Diane, what a great position to be in. You’ve established yourself and built a successful business so you know what it takes to do that part.

Now you get to play and create your next step. So that’s what I’m going to ask you to do.

Play, meditate and literally create your next step. I see it evolving from one of your jewelry designs.

Instead of making a piece that you would normally sell set an intention to design it to speak to you. Let your design show you what’s next.

You are highly creative, and thinking about it will shut down your creative flow. But creating and allowing that to speak to you will take you to your next step.

Start by meditating and let your hands be guided by your soul. Then like a tealeaf reader allow your soul to interpret what the design is telling you. Set an intention to learn the answer.

Remember thinking stops the creative flow. So have fun. And please let me know what you came up with and if you need help with the next step.


Rumi, the 13th century brilliant Persian mystic and poet, has a perfect poem for our theme today. His poetry is so brilliant. Imagine if he had talked himself out of writing.
“You were born with potential.
You were born with goodness and trust.
You were born with ideals and dreams.
You were born with greatness.
You were born with wings.
You are not meant for crawling, so don’t.
You have wings,
Learn to use them and fly.”

Happy Flying!

Carol's Services

I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.

We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.

Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?

You can visit my website at:

You'll find other articles there and more in-depth information about both my services and me.

Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach

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