The Secret to Love Revealed

I work with women and men who are unhappy in their romantic relationships, or they are unhappy that they don’t have romantic relationships. Their pain is so deep and frequent that often it crushes their spirit.

At the core of their unhappiness, either with or without a partner, are their thoughts about themselves and how they fit into relationships.

If you are experiencing this right now, then keep reading because I’m going to share with you how to break free of this pattern of pain. And help you have romantic love in your life.

It’s so simple.

Part of the problem are the lies you tell yourself! (For more information, go to my website and under my “Rockin’ Relationships Ezine” Archive read, “Liar Liar, Your Dream’s on Fire”)

In order to experience love, I want to focus now on knowing your true self.


You are a precious soul. You are a child of the Divine Source. Call that Source whatever you like – Spirit, Source, God. The name doesn’t matter. I want you to grasp the meaning, the truth, the love.

Because you are that LOVE. That love is there for you. At all times you are connected to it. And only YOU can disconnect from it.

Here’s what Don Miguel Ruiz says in his new book, “The Voice of Knowledge.”

“Behind your story is the real you, and it’s full of love. The goodness is there because what you are is goodness. You don’t have to try to pretend to be what you are not. You are one with God (LOVE), and it’s effortless. God (LOVE) is here, and you can feel the presence of God (LOVE.) Of course, if you don’t feel God’s (LOVE’S) presence, you need to detach from the story because the only thing between you and God (LOVE) is your story.”

So if love is there, why aren’t you feeling it? Why doesn’t it seem to be in your life? Because you’ve disconnected from it.


The main reason you’ve disconnected from love is because of FEAR. And fears come from our lies. The ego keeps us “safe” by telling us all those lies. And then those lies become your story.

For example: “The last two men I was with were emotionally unavailable and broke my heart and so I distrust all men.” “My father told me men are out for one thing only so I have to protect myself.” “My ex-husband was mean and I need to defend myself against all men.” “My mother was abusive and controlling and all women are out to control me.”

On and on the list goes projecting bad experiences onto new men or women that come into your life. You’re allowing some past bad experiences to totally ruin your chance for love. Why?

Fear! All that comes from your fear, your story, your lies about why you can’t have love.

Because if you remembered that you are LOVE, if you stayed connected to LOVE, to God, then you would never be without LOVE.

So how do you get rid of the fear, once and for all, so you can have love in your life?


Now let’s look at David Hawkins’s book “Power vs Force” and his levels of consciousness.

At the level of fear he states that your God-view is Punitive. Your Life-view is Frightening. Your Emotion is Anxiety. Your Process is Withdrawal.

When most people want to shift out of fear they try to get into action to change how they feel. They go online to start dating. They join a club to meet new people. They are taking action to move out of the process of Withdrawal.

I don’t like to start from that place because you still have two huge negative thoughts in your mind that have to be shifted first, in order to move out of Withdrawal with ease and safety.

The two things that have to change first are your God-view and your Life-view. You change those perspectives and your whole life changes.

I don’t think it’s any accident that Hawkins starts with your God-view. Why? Because if you see God as punitive then how do you see your chances for romantic love? Dim or non-existent.

Where did this idea of a punitive God come from? Mostly from religions in order to control people – you’ll be punished for your sins, you’re unworthy, etc.

If you see God as punitive; and you tell yourself you are unworthy of love, or you have to earn love, or you’re not good enough for love, then you’re doomed to a life without romantic love.

You’re really not, but you will tell yourself you are, and that is the reality you will create.

So do you see what I’m talking about? If your God-view is punitive then you will not have love in your life. Your ego will always tell you lies about why you should be punished and have love withheld. Your ego will remind you of all the things you’ve done in your life for which it likes to make you wrong and unworthy. Your story.

But God isn’t a punitive God. That’s a Lie!

So let’s look at a new perspective. Let’s look at how David Hawkins says we view God when we are at the higher levels of consciousness.

God is Permitting, Enabling, Inspiring, Merciful, Wise, Loving, One, All-Being, Self.

A new perspective you could choose would be: God loves me no matter what I do or say. God is merciful, helps me, permits me to choose, to learn from my mistakes, guides me, and I am one with God.

If you choose that perspective then will Life be frightening? No! Will your process be anxiety? No! Will you want to withdraw? No!

If you want love in your life, then stop telling yourself your old story and choose consciously to shift your perspective of God /Source / Spirit, to being Loving not Punitive.

Take this simple, yet challenging step. Throw out the lie that God is punitive and you don’t deserve romantic love. Replace it with the truth that God isn’t punitive and you are connected, you are One with a permitting, enabling, inspiring, merciful and Loving God / Divine Source and see what happens.

imagine the possibilities…

© Carol Chanel

Q & A

From Stephanie, a 36-year-old film producer in London

Q: “Carol, I really want to get remarried but I’m afraid. I’m dating a really nice man and he is talking about a future with me and I’m scared. My first husband was mean and condescending to me after we got married. I don’t want to go through that again. It almost did me in.”

A: Stephanie, I know you went through the ringer in that marriage. I’m so glad you got the help you needed to get out.

Here’s the thing, you’re not the same person anymore. You have good boundaries now. You are projecting your past onto this lovely man you’ve met.

By being afraid, you aren’t trusting the Source / God to send you a wonderful man. You are assuming that God / Source is punitive and that you deserve to be punished. That’s a lie! You don’t deserve to be punished. You deserve all the love, happiness, abundance, good health and joy that you can handle. And then some.

Don’t let your old perspective that God is punitive ruin all your future relationships.

Trust your instincts, hold your boundaries firmly and lovingly, go slow and Trust and Surrender to God. You are loved! Enjoy this new love!


I didn’t start off loving this book, but it didn’t take too long before I was hooked. Don Miguel Ruiz’s new book “The Voice of Knowledge” is a must read. You will become so aware of how often you tell yourself little lies. My husband and I catch ourselves now and laugh.

Don Miguel Ruiz really gets into the truth about why we lie, how we lie and how to stop lying.

A must read for those of us on the path to our true selves filled with love, light and joy!

Happy Truth Telling!

Carol's Services

I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.

We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.

Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?

You can visit my website at:

You'll find other articles there and more in-depth information about both my services and me.

Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach 

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