“The Essential Step to Lasting Change” Part 2
Last week I wrote about set points and why you have to shift them to create lasting change. I want to refresh your memory of what set points are so you can shift them to create lasting change in the areas of losing weight, getting hired and couple problems.
Remember, the Law of Attraction says we get what we think about whether we want it or not. So we want to think about what we do want and not think about what we don’t want. Sounds easy, so how come we don’t move forward?
How come sometimes we end up right back where we started? It’s because of our set points.
Set Points are points in our life that we move to and then stop. Thus creating a SET point.
How Set Points Look
I think it helps to have a visual image of what set points look like so you use the visual as you mentally work on shifting them.
Have you ever caught your coat in a car door? You try to walk but you get pulled or snapped back. You can’t go anywhere – unless you want to tear your clothing – until you open the car door and release your coat. You can try all you want, but you aren’t moving forward.
The same is true with changing set points. You have to change something in order to move forward. Until you open the car door – your mind – you can’t move forward. You can’t change your set point.
The way you move your set point in your mind is by changing how you think and more importantly, how you FEEL about something. It’s equivalent to opening the car door. You are opening to change where you currently are to where you want to be.
You want to talk about a desired change from a FEELING place, AS IF you were already there.
Stuck Set Points
If you feel afraid that you’ll never lose weight and you get frustrated if you don’t lose any, or you gain it back when you do lose it, then you have a stuck set point.
And just like the tension of trying to walk when your coat is caught in your car door, a stuck set point can feel stressful and make you anxious. It’s not possible to produce lasting change from there.
So let’s change your set points!
Losing Weight Scenario
In 1982 researchers started talking about set points in relation to body weight. I’ll provide a link in the resources section for a brief article on the topic that is helpful. I want to talk about the mental component of weight loss through set point change.
Suppose you want to weigh 120 pounds, but you now weigh a 140 pounds. That’s your set point. If you want to change your set point you have to shift or move something in order to change your weight permanently. Many people diet and then gain the weight back. Why? Their set point is set for 140 pounds. That’s their frame of reference for their body weight.
What you want to do – in order to move your weight set point – is to imagine what it would feel like to weigh 135 pounds or a 130 pounds. Not a 120 yet, that’s often too big a jump.
Here’s what it might sound like to imagine weighing 130. “I love this feeling of being light, it’s easier to move. I feel freer in my body at this lighter weight. I love how much better my clothes fit. I feel joyful wearing my favorite skirt and showing off my slimmer legs – or for the guys, showing off my flat abs. Wow, I’m full of energy and proud of my efforts. I feel fresh and renewed from eating healthy and exercising every day. I love how my body is responding to all the healthy things I’m doing.”
And so on. What you’re doing is not focusing on the number on the scale, you’re focusing on feeling good. And when you do, you will shift your set point and then you will lose weight, it’s inevitable.
Then you’ll have a set point at 130 and want to do the same thing, if you want to get to 120, assuming it’s healthy for your body.
Getting Hired Scenario
Here in Los Angeles we have lots of people who want to make their living as actors. It’s a tough, dispiriting business and most don’t get hired.
According to Abraham, the reason some of the same people get work over and over again, is that they have a set point that says they’ll get hired because they’ve been hired in the past. That’s their set point. “I get paying work as an actor.” Now they go into an audition aligned with getting hired.
Someone who hasn’t been hired can have a set point that says they are likely not to get hired. Their thoughts might sound like: “I hope the casting director likes me. I hope they like my portrayal of this character. Gosh I really need this job, my money is so low. I’ve worked so hard and this part is perfect for me. I hope I get it. I’ve never gotten a part this big, oh dear, I hope I get it.”
And the minute they go to that mindset, they disconnect from their alignment with Source and with their feeling of being the character. Once they disconnect, the casting director senses something isn’t quite flowing and loses interest. They probably don’t know they’ve lost interest because the person disconnected with their alignment with their inner Source and the character and went into negative thinking – they just know the person isn’t who they were looking for.
So what you want to say instead is: “I feel as if I am this character. I’ve known this person all my life. They are in my DNA. I’m feeling confident in my ability to deliver an engaging performance. (Don’t think you’re there to do an audition.) I’m joyful at the opportunity to be here and doing something I love. I’m so happy that the casting director is thrilled with my audition. This is so much fun! I’m filled with love and joy and confidence.”
Couple Problem Scenarios
With couple problems make sure you aren’t setting your boyfriend or spouse up to look like the bad guy.
Every woman knows what I mean by the above statement. We’ve all done it, consciously or unconsciously. If you really don’t have any discretionary income don’t spend money on things you can’t afford. That will upset him, as it should. Earn extra money and then do whatever you want with it.
If you know that you flirt when you go out with your girlfriends because you want male attention then don’t be surprised when he gets upset if you go out with your friends. Whatever you’re getting from the other men, you need to give yourself – usually it’s validation. Give it to yourself so you’ll feel good and have a better relationship.
The following scenarios assume you have a healthy relationship, with yourself and your guy, and you’re just having some normal challenges in your relationship.
If the set point is:
“My boyfriend never likes me to go out with my girlfriends. He gets so jealous and it’s so unpleasant when I come home that I might as well not bother going out.”
Here’s what you could think to change your set point.
“I am so happy when I come home from being with my girlfriends. My boyfriend is supportive of me seeing my friends. I feel so warm and loving towards him when I come home and I’m so appreciative of his support of me going out with my friends. The trust we have for each other makes me feel so warm and loving. He gives me what I want from a man and I love the look on his face when I tell him that fact.”
If your set point is:
“My husband complains that I get a massage once a month – he thinks I’m being frivolous with money. When I come home he starts criticizing me and I get tense instead of being able to enjoy being relaxed. Now when I get my massage I start dreading his reaction before I get up off the table.”
What you could say to yourself to help shift the negative reaction to the spending money set point is:
“I’m walking in the door from my massage and my husband is happy to see me relaxed and refreshed. He’s doing things for himself that feels as good to him as massage feels to me. He understands the need for self-care and wants me to be happy and healthy.”
Consciously Choose to Have Fun with this Process
Pay attention to what’s going on in your mind when you say you want something or want something to change. Do the “as if” exercise and enjoy the feeling of being where you want to go. Don’t make it about physically being there. Enjoy the feeling. Have fun changing your set point!
Don’t let yourself get frustrated. Keep coming from the feeling – as if – place and you will change. It’s guaranteed. Be patient with yourself. You’re changing. It’s unfamiliar and at times it might be a little uncomfortable. Hang in there.
Like learning anything new, there is always the “Conscious Incompetence” phase that the ego really dislikes. It’s the phase where you’re aware of what you don’t know. The ego doesn’t like not knowing. It can’t stand feeling uncomfortable because of it.
Remember learning to ride a bike? You’re aware you don’t know how to do it and that’s frustrating. You keep falling off your bike. It’s really uncomfortable at first. But you learned how to ride it and you’ll learn how to shift your set points. That, by the way, is the “Conscious Competence” phase and it feels good.
At some point in your life you’ll want to shift another set point and the process will start all over. Be kind, compassionate and determined with yourself. And keep practicing.
The easiest way to accomplish anything is to first align with your higher self. Be kind and compassionate with yourself. Then take action and be determined and patient. And keep practicing.
Imagine the possibilities. . . .
© Carol Chanel
Q & A
One of my clients called the other day and asked me for some steps to keep her from getting stuck in Yuma. Since she’s been working with me for a while she had the framework that I outlined in the main article. I wanted you all to have the framework so you could put the steps to work in your life.
Happy Dreaming, Happy Achieving
If you want more information about the subject matter in the main article there are two brilliant books and a CD that are insightful and inspiring.
“The Power of Intention” by Dr. Wayne Dyer
“Ask and It’s Given” by Abraham-Hicks
Abraham-Hicks Kansas City 9/14/05 CD – single CD, about $15.
Available on their website:
Or you can call them to order it at 1-830-755-2299
These books and CD’s are uplifting, inspiring and powerful and provide the tools you’ll need to have a life of happiness, love, fulfillment and joy.
Keep believing, allowing and receiving!
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
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Certified Life Coach
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