How to Say No!
“I meant to say NO.” We’ve all have had the experience where we meant to say no to someone. We knew it was going to be difficult but we were determined this time. Then next thing you know, we’re saying yes. How did that happen? Why did that happen?
Do you notice that the very people you mean to say no to, are the ones who seem to draw the life energy out of you?
It reminds me of buying a car. You know how much the car costs, how much you can spend, and the next thing you know the salesman has worn you down and your energy is totally spent and you’ll say yes to anything just to get out of the dealership.
I don’t mean to pick on car salesmen, there are great ones out there who are very helpful and have your best interests at heart.
There are people who are trained to get their way. They will be persistent and determined to get you to say yes.
I take my car to a local car wash and the man who writes up your ticket is a master at getting people to buy the full works. You know the $35 hand wash, hand wax, air freshner, etc. I actually can’t stand going there because I know each time I’ll have to be really strong and almost harsh to get him to back down. I just want a regular wash and wax. Do you want the $8, the $4 or the $2 wax? Just put the wax on the car and let me out of here!!!
These people are what I call energy suckers and you’re the energy lollipop. What actually goes on?
How Do People Get Your Energy?
People learn, from a young age, how to control other people to get their way. Here are some of the techniques they’ll use:
Acting aloof by pulling away in an attempt to have you chase them
Money or gifts
Bullying techniques – verbal, emotional or physical
Crying or drama of some sort
Acting intellectually superior
How Do They Control You?
Whatever they do to control you, there’s only one reason why it happens.
You allow it.
You allow it because you tell yourself you need something from these particular people. Like love, validation, acceptance, approval, a job, a home, or something as simple as your car washed.
Or you allow it because you don’t want to be seen a certain way – like harsh, uncooperative, unkind, not nice!
Remember, as women we were raised to be good girls, to be sweet and helpful, not to be assertive, not to compete with each other and at all costs not to create conflict.
How To Be Released From Their Control?
So whatever your reason, it will keep you from being firm. So next time you need to say no, look to see what might keep you from no. Then once you understand that reason, instead of trying to get it from an outside source, give yourself the love, validation or acceptance. Or let go of needing to be seen a certain way.
When you give yourself what you need, you take your energy back. Then you will release yourself from their control.
When you connect to an all-loving God (Divine Source) you will be filled with love, light and joy. God is THE energy source.
Everything comes from God (Divine Source.) If you think that your mother, brother, boyfriend, father, boss, teacher, or husband is the source then you can be controlled. If you realize you receive everything you need and want when you connect to God, then you can freely have what you want. No cost. Yes to God, no to human control.
Saying NO to others who want you to do something you don’t want to do, is saying YES to yourself.
The Cost of Not Saying No!
The impact of not saying no to others can be costly to your health, relationships and your spirit.
So the next time your boss asks you to stay late when you have dinner plans, choose yourself and go to dinner. The next time a friend wants you to listen to her sob story, for the 10th time, and it’s your workout night, choose yourself and go workout. The next time your boyfriend or spouse wants you to stay at home and watch TV when you have plans to go to the movies with your girlfriends, choose yourself and go to the movies.
You’ll be training people how to treat you. You’ll be taking care of yourself. You’ll be maintaining balance in your life. You’ll be building strong relationships.
Remember people are not your Source. Of anything. They may look like it, but they’re not. If you get fired for not working late, then you’ll get another job right away. If your friend gets mad and doesn’t want to talk to you, well sounds like you’ll be saving yourself from lots of drama. And if your boyfriend doesn’t like you going to the movies with your girlfriends, get another boyfriend. There are plenty where he came from. God or Divine Source will send you anything you need. Just ask and be open to receiving it.
Choose to take care of yourself. Choose to be firm. Choose to say NO to others. Choose to say YES to yourself. Choose the basic $15 car wash.
Imagine the possibilities…
© Carol Chanel
Usually I share a fabulous book I’ve read or a DVD I’ve really liked. Today, however, I want to share with my North American readers a car buying program that greatly reduces the stress of buying a car.
If you are a member of AAA you can use their car buying service. They negotiate, ahead of time, the rate you’ll pay for the make and model of a new car. Call AAA ahead of time to find out the closest dealer to your home. (It works with leasing or payment plans; and you can still take the car to any dealer for warranty service.) Then go to the dealer they work with and let the salesman know you’ll be using the AAA rate.
I’ve used this service twice and found it took most of the stress out of buying a new car. The negotiation part, where most of us get worn down, is already handled. All you have to do is decide the color, the trade-in value of your car, and other extras.
Next time you’re ready to buy a new car look into using AAA or see if there are other similar programs in your area.
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
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Certified Life Coach
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