“How to be Wild and Free!”
As I sat thinking about relationships I thought: How is it that
we really want to be in our relationships? What’s missing in
so many relationships? What’s missing in our lives?
BEING WILD AND FREE! Wild in your love. Free to be who
you really are. That’s what courageous women want.
I’ve read books, talked to therapists, gotten married, talked
for hours with friends and coached clients on this topic. I’ve
learned the hard way the absolute necessity of being wild
and free in order to have fabulous relationships.
Can’t you imagine being in a relationship where you are wildly
in love? Verbally, emotionally, sexually – with your foot off
How about being free? Can you imagine feeling so free
that you can be yourself? Express yourself. Trust yourself.
Stand in your power. Speak from your solar plexus – your
power chakra. Let it rip when you want to. I mean free to
totally and unabashedly be yourself. Not be inappropriate,
be appropriately real.
Here’s what it takes to be wild and free — being emotionally
healthy, knowing you’re a goddess, holding good boundaries,
willing to risk it all for the sake of the freedom to be yourself,
taking care of yourself, letting go of the past, giving and
I will write about each key one at a time, in detail, in this
and upcoming issues.
The first key to have a wild and free relationship is:
BEING EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY
Why did I start here? Because most of the relationships I’ve
seen fail, do so because one or both of the partners isn’t
Isn’t what we all secretly want is to be in a relationship
where we have full permission to be wild and free.
Come on – own up to it. I admit it’s what I want.
Full out wildness – wildly loving, wildly passionate,
wildly giving, wildly expressive, totally free!
You can’t be wild and free if you’re not emotionally healthy.
And you can’t feel safe to be wild and free if the other person
isn’t emotionally healthy.
It takes a lot of work to be emotionally healthy in this world,
especially in this country where we are constantly challenged
by how women are made to look in fashion magazines and movies.
If you use the model standard you might not feel like being
wild physically and that could shut you down completely.
And then add in the unintentional damage done to us during
our childhoods and no wonder it’s work to get and stay healthy,
and be free.
I have a client who is absolutely darling and thinks she is ugly
and fat. She hates her body because it doesn’t measure up to the
impossible standards of the false world. She’s curvaceous and
How do you think she behaves in a love relationship if she hates
her body? The man sees a lovely, sexy woman and he doesn’t
know that underneath she is plagued by self-defeating attitudes.
Do you think she is wild and free when they’re out, in the
bedroom, or any other time for that matter? Not if she doesn’t
feel good about herself.
He doesn’t know how to make her feel good, because he doesn’t
realize she doesn’t feel good about herself. He could be caring
and sensitive if he knew. And create an environment where she
could be more accepting of herself and cut loose.
Thankfully she’s learning to feel good about herself.
Another client I had was trying to have a relationship with a man
who was emotionally unavailable. He seemed available but his
behavior said otherwise. He always needed to be with other
women. That never works. They are either available or they
aren’t. There’s no in-between with this one.
Forget the idea that they might be available next week, or month,
or after some project. This is an unhealthy pattern. Get rid of the
guy who isn’t available.
Who feels powerful enough to be wild and free with a guy
who is with a different woman every other night? You can’t
trust him and you’re not able to be free with a guy like that.
The same goes for any substance abuse problem – alcohol, drugs,
sex, food. They let you know the person isn’t available to
themselves and therefore certainly can’t be there for you.
Don’t even try. Run as fast as you can!
Here’s one of my favorites – the man who says he’s getting a
divorce. His wife doesn’t understand him and so he’s going to
leave her. Women still fall for this one. I’m not saying it never
happens. But don’t wait around for them to leave.
I tell my clients stay away from married or newly separated men.
They need time to process – on their own time, not yours.
EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY MEN
An emotionally healthy man has his life together, pays his bills
on time, calls, makes dates with you in advance, exercises, is
considerate of your time and schedule, likes alone time and is
compassionate. His home is neat and clean. He is saving money
every month. He has his own good friends. He’s emotionally,
physically and verbally expressive.
I think we all know pretty quickly whether someone is emotionally
healthy or not. You can tell by their behavior. Not by their words,
by their behavior.
You have a perfect opportunity to really cut loose with a man like this.
He will be blown away – he will have found the goddess he’s been
looking for his whole life. You will be loved, cherished and free!
LISTEN TO YOUR INNER VOICE
What does your inner voice say when you are with a man?
It will tell you the truth. He might not, but your inner voice
So listen to your inner voice. It never lies. Don’t think you
can change them. Run! ATTRACT a healthy man.
DON’T DO A THERAPISTS’ JOB
Let a therapist handle a dysfunctional man, an emotionally
unhealthy man. It’s what they get paid to do, it’s what they are
trained to do. God bless them!
If you want to fix a man, stop! Find something in your house
to fix, find something of your own to fix.
WHO THEY REALLY ARE
I have a smart girlfriend who told me, “Men will tell you who
they are on the first couple of dates.” She’s right. Listen to
what you’re hearing. Not what they’re saying, what you are
Do they whine, complain, talk about old girlfriends or get drunk?
Do they trash their boss, the city, their ex-wife? Are they too
aggressive sexually on the first date? Do they proclaim their
undying love for you on the second or third date?
These are all bad signs. Only an unhealthy man behaves in
Please don’t settle for the dysfunctional man!
There are great men out there.
Drop the loser and take a deep breath! You’re free.
Write a list of all the qualities you want your man to have.
Then tell the universe you are ready to be with this man.
MAKE ROOM FOR THE FABULOUS MAN
He’s there. He’s waiting for you to make space for him.
Healthy men are funny that way. They like to approach when they
know it’s safe. Remember they’ve been burned by unhealthy
If you’ve had a few bad relationships chalk it up to learning what
didn’t work. Let the past go. It wasn’t you. It may have been
your choices and you can change that — starting now.
So let go! Cut loose! Be wildly in love and totally free.
You and the man you’re with need to be emotionally healthy.
Then you will want to be wild and so will he.
imagine the possibilities…..
© Carol Chanel
Q & A
Today’s question is from Samantha – a beautiful 37 year
old woman who owns her own business.
Q: ““Should a woman approach a man?”
On my profile I have to put my age and I don’t want to lie about it and I also don’t want to get put into a certain category. I don’t look my age and I feel like I’m 21!
What should I do?”
A: Absolutely, if all the other subtle methods we have available
to us as women don’t work. For example, a man who is interested
often wants a sign that he can approach. So smile at him, be warm
and friendly. Create an opportunity for him to approach. Send
him a nonverbal message. Think the thought that you’d like him
to approach. Send a little flirtatious signal.
You’d be surprised how difficult it is for men to always have to
do the approaching. So try making it easy for them.
If they don’t get the hint, then go up and talk to them.
And from that point on, let them do the pursuing.
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
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Certified Life Coach
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