Holding Yourself Hostage to False Beliefs?

Have you ever said, “I’m unlucky in love” or “I’m always a day late and a dollar short” or “This is as good as it gets.” These are common phrases we all use and yet we don’t realize how by saying them, they become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I’m going to focus on the “unlucky in love.” But if that’s not what you’re dealing with, just substitute your statement for it and follow along.

As a Life Coach, when clients first come to work with me, many tell me they’re happy with their lives in most areas except in the area of love. They actually say they’re “unlucky in love.” There’s no such thing as someone being unlucky in love, but many people accept it as a truth.

The first thing I do is teach them the Laws of the Universe so that they understand that you get what you think about, or say – whether you want it or not.

When you make that negative statement you are telling the Universe to continue making you “unlucky in love.” The Universe responds to your thoughts and your words.

Now, no one wants to be “unlucky in love” or in anything else.

So why would people who are otherwise successful in their careers, finances, or who have great friends, or great relationships with their families and co-workers, not have good love lives?

There’s only one core reason. And before I tell you, I want you to know your mind might reject the reason. It will say “Oh no, that’s not it, it’s this or that.” But it’s the mind that’s gotten you into this situation in the first place, so set it aside for a moment and keep reading, with an “open” mind.

The core reason has to do with a feeling of unworthiness. If your life is working in terms of finances, friends, family and or health then the only reason you don’t have love in your life is that you don’t feel worthy of having the love you want.

I’m not going to delve into unworthiness, other than to say that every human being has had one or more experiences in life that has caused a feeling of unworthiness. Everyone. Some people don’t feel worthy of money, so they don’t have money. Others don’t feel worthy of love, so they don’t have healthy, fun, fulfilling romantic relationships.

I’m going to recommend reading “The Mastery of Love” if you have a sense of unworthiness where love is concerned.See more about this book in my resources section.

Here’s my suggestion about what to do right now to change your love life: Change your perspective.

New Perspective on Love Worthiness

You are child of Divine Source. Or God or the Universe. Whatever term resonates with you. And because of that truth, then by that fact you are worthy. You are. You can’t change that. Nothing that happened to you can change that.

When things happen to you that truly hurt, you develop the perspective that you aren’t worthy. Because if you had been worthy, then that wouldn’t have happened. But the truth is, that hurtful things will always happen and they have absolutely nothing to do with your worthiness.

My mother died when I was seven and I felt unworthy of love for a long, long time. Other people have cold, critical parents and they feel unworthy of love. Others have siblings who are mean, or kids in school who are cruel and say hateful things, and the result is often a sense of unworthiness.

So if you accept the fact that you are a child of Divine Source and are loved unconditionally by Source, then you are already loved, therefore you are worthy.

Just choose it and see how it feels. Your mind will argue with you. It will remind you of experiences that will prove you’re unworthy of love. But the truth is those are experiences that are viewed through the unworthy filter. View them through the worthy filter and see what you notice.

Example of How Worthiness Perspective Works

If you’re dating someone and they break off the relationship, you might think you’re unworthy of love. But if you really look at the relationship, you will always find there was something that wasn’t working for you either. If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll say, “well I really didn’t like that the person didn’t call me until the last minute, or they talked on their cell phone when we went out to dinner, or they were rude to waiters, etc.”

If you think you’re unworthy, you might not break up with someone whose behavior you don’t like, because you think you can’t do any better. That’s how an unworthiness perspective works – against you.

But if you choose the perspective that you are worthy, you might say, “you know I don’t like how that person treats waiters, that’s a red flag for me. I’m going to break up with this person and be open to being with someone who is polite to everyone.”

Can you feel how freeing that is? Can you feel the relief in not being held hostage to a false belief?

Choose to know you are worthy. It’s a CHOICE!!! And it’s a choice that will allow you to have an amazing life, filled with love and peace.

Choose to feel worthy! You are. You might as well feel it!


Imagine the possibilities….

© Carol Chanel


Don Miguel Ruiz’s second brilliant book, “The Mastery of Love” ends with a prayer for self-love. Here are some of his words:

“Let the love we have for ourselves be so strong that we never again reject ourselves or sabotage our happiness, freedom and love.”

“From now on, let every action, every reaction, every thought, every emotion be based on love. Help us, Creator, to increase our self-love until the entire dream of our life is transformed, from fear and drama to love and joy.”

“Let the power of our self-love be strong enough to break all the lies we were programmed to believe – all the lies that tell us we are not good enough, or strong enough, or intelligent enough, that we cannot make it.”

“Today is a new beginning. Help us to start our life over beginning today with the power of self-love.”

The prayer is several pages long and is something that every human needs to read and reread to remind ourselves that we are lovable and that it starts with self-love.

This book will guide you to heal the wounds that keep you from loving yourself, so you can return to the place where you were when you were born –- full of love, full of joy, full of trust and knowing you are worthy.

Carol's Services

I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.

We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.

Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?

You can visit my website at:

You'll find other articles there and more in-depth information about both my services and me.

Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach

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