“Avoid This Partner”

In preparation for my teleclass on “How to Attract Your Ideal Partner,” I thought I’d share with you a harmful partner choice – so you can avoid it.

There are lots of bad reasons for choosing a partner and one of the worst I’ve seen and coached on is choosing someone because you think it will increase your status. Men and women both fall victim to this harmful choice.

A woman thinks marrying a man who has a status in the community will in turn elevate her status. So she marries a doctor, lawyer, wealthy businessman or the son of a wealthy businessman.

The man marries a beautiful woman or a woman from a wealthy family and thinks it will increase his chances of success or acceptance.

This is a common choice – it happens all the time. I’m not saying don’t marry a wealthy, successful person. I am saying don’t do it to increase your status.

Why not? Because then it’s your ego making the choice and not your heart. And a partner chosen by the ego will bring you painful ego problems, like feeling inferior — the very thing you thought you were getting away from by your choice.

Let’s take the example of a woman who marries a man from a wealthy, successful family. Suppose she’s from a lower middle class family. All of a sudden she can take great vacations, buy an expensive car, wear designer clothes, flash gorgeous jewelry. I don’t know about you, but I see these women everywhere. Now I live in LA, but I see them in San Diego, Washington DC, Nantucket, Hawaii, Mexico, everywhere. You can’t miss them.

Here’s the problem. This woman, we’ll call her Beth, married this man to increase her status, which means her ego chose.And because she needs to flaunt her newfound wealth, she still doesn’t feel very good about herself at her core. She looked to the man to “elevate” her from her previous lifestyle, thus her “ego” choice.

Beth had self-esteem issues and thinks now that she’s married, they’re gone. On one level they may be, that is until there is a problem.

Let’s suppose the man develops an interest in another woman. What happens to Beth? Has she worked on herself to really love, admire and respect herself? No. She used another person’s status to make a status statement about her. A false statement. An ego statement. So when she has to look, she finds she doesn’t value herself. She wasn’t elevated at all. It was a facade.

Too often the Beths of the world find this out when they realize they are miserable. They didn’t marry the man that made their heart sing, or that filled them with butterflies. They married who they thought was the best choice for them on paper, and maybe ultimately their children.

But I can tell you that those partnerships usually result in people being miserable. Children want to grow up with love, and as adults, I know you want love too.

So don’t let your ego choose your partner – choose from your heart. You’ll know which part of you is choosing. Don’t fool yourself. Status doesn’t fill your heart and soul, it feeds your ego. It’s an empty choice.

Choose to love madly, wildly, passionately from the depths of your heart!

imagine the possibilities…

© Carol Chanel