Are Your Decisions Crushing Your Spirit?

Next time you have to make a decision about a job, a relationship, a promotion, or even a date, I want you to run the fear-based vs. trust-based test past it.

In the fear-based choice, you’ll make your decision to prevent something you’re afraid of from happening. In a trust-based decision, you’ll trust your heart and soul’s voice to go where it’s calling you, knowing that the Universe will respond to that desire.

How Fear-Based and Trust-Based Decisions Sound

The fear-based job decision sounds like – “I’d better take this job, they’re offering me a lot of money and I might never get married, so I better be thinking of how to support myself in the future.”

A trust-based job decision sounds like – “I’m grateful the company wants me, but I don’t feel good about working there. They seem so cold and a little unprofessional. I’m going to hold out for a job where I can work hard, make a good living and also have fun.”

A fear-based relationship decision sounds like – “Why not date Tom? He’s a successful, smart and serious man. I know he wants me to dress up more than I like to, and he’s kind of serious all the time, but I can manage that. And I don’t know if someone as smart or successful will ask me out again.”

A trust-based relationship decision sounds like – “It’s so lovely that Tom wants to date me, but he’s just not the kind of person I want to spend time with. I prefer men who are more relaxed and fun, where I can wear a tee shirt, shorts and flip-flops on the weekend. I’m not going to date him. I’m going to wait to spend time with someone I’d rather be with.”

Why You Make Fear – Based Decisions

You make fear-based decisions in order to get love, security, approval or self-esteem from outside sources.

And when you make a decision for the sake of security or approval or love, you often go against what your heart and soul truly desires. You go for the security because you don’t trust the Universe will send you something better. And you do it at a huge cost to yourself.

Oprah is a perfect example of not choosing to make a decision for security. As I recall the story, when she was very young she was offered an anchor job that would have allowed her to earn $22,000 a year. Her father strongly advised her to take that job because it was safe. Fortunately for Oprah, and all of us, she turned it down and followed her heart.

Oprah is a clear example of the Universe powerfully responding when you choose to follow your heart’s desire.

Can you imagine what her life would have been like, and the thousands along the way she’s helped, if she had chosen security? That was a fear-based decision she avoided. Thank you Oprah!

Other people make wrong choices in relationships because they are desperate for love. A woman might choose to marry a man she doesn’t love. Her thinking is usually, “he loves me, he’s a nice man, and even though I don’t love him, at least I’m not alone.”

More often than not, people make choices to get approval or to avoid disapproval. So you decide to buy an expensive outfit for a dinner party that you can’t afford, because you think your date will like you better if you do. That’s performing for approval. And it has a high cost.

Or you’ll let people violate your work boundaries so they’ll like you, keep you around, or maybe even promote you.

The Cost of Fear-Based Decisions

Making fear-based decisions to gain love, security or self-esteem from the outside has a high cost attached to it. And it’s too high a price to pay.


And if you choose to crush your spirit, you might as well stop breathing because you are a spiritual being having a human experience. So if you’re not going to honor your spirit you’ve just wasted your life. And you will end up depressed and questioning whether your life had any meaning.

We all have the power of the Universe waiting to provide for, love and protect us. All you have to do is trust it and receive. Oprah isn’t any more special than you. She just trusted her heart and the Universe. And she receives all the goodies the Universe has for her. It has them for you too!

When you choose to honor your fears to gain love, security, approval or self-esteem, you’re telling the Universe that you don’t believe it will honor your heart’s desires. And that is exactly what happens. The cost to your heart, soul and finances is huge!

So choose to make a trust-based decision. Trust the Universe to bring you all the amazing goodies it has for you.

Imagine the possibilities….

© Carol Chanel


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Carol's Services

I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.

We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.

Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?

You can visit my website at:

You'll find other articles there and more in-depth information about both my services and me.

Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach 

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