Are You Healing or Hiding?
Opportunities for healing can come to us in the least expected ways.
I just returned from a truly wonderful vacation with my husband at a lovely resort on the Caribbean side of Mexico. I love the Mexican people because they are heart centered. And I love the beauty of the water, which is restorative and healing. How interesting that I would be in a healing place.
Even while we’re on vacation our souls, in their infinite wisdom, provide us with opportunities for healing no matter where we are.
As I was checking in at Los Angeles International Airport, the wheels on my suitcase hit the base of a security sign, I tripped and fell backwards-right smack on my back. Fortunately I was okay – a little bruised and misaligned. The real pain was the fear that got temporarily activated. That was not how I expected start out my vacation. I had to do some quick work to keep that fear from ruining it. The fall became an opportunity for deeper healing and, as a result, I really rested, relaxed and healed on my vacation.
I’m sharing this because we’ve all had pain in our lives especially in our relationships. And when our fear gets activated we tend to withdraw to protect ourselves. It’s as natural as breathing.
Childhood wounds give us lots of healing practice.
When I was five year old I got hit by a car and was severely injured. My father’s form of punishment was physical and too harsh for a little girl, especially a little girl that had been hit by a car. Shortly thereafter my mother died – I was only seven by the time all that happened. As a result, I’ve always been a little physically challenged.
Because of all the work I’ve done to heal from my childhood wounds, I know that when fear gets activated within me I need to immediately seek ways to heal rather than to withdraw to protect myself.
What’s wrong with withdrawal? In the beginning nothing is wrong with it, it all depends on how long you stay withdrawn.
If you stay withdrawn for too long, you’re essentially hiding, and then you’re not living, loving, exploring or experiencing life. And you aren’t taking the final steps necessary for healing.
Healing is a step-by-step process. We take care of ourselves, we soothe our heart, we learn to forgive and love again and then move forward baby step by baby step. How do we know when we’re ready?
For me, from a fall, it will take a little while – maybe a month – before I feel strong, centered and stable on my feet again. I’ve gotten massages, chiropractic adjustments, osteopathic treatments, worked with my coach. My icepack is my new friend and moving slowly is not entirely a bad thing. I’m taking care of myself. And I’m remembering my connection to Source who loves and protects me. (After all I did have a great vacation, fall or no fall.)
Healing from a bad or painful relationship requires the same faith, self-care and help from trained professionals. If you’ve ended a long-term relationship, or lost someone close to you, doing some psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, coaching or some other healing form of work to understand and honor your feelings is vitally important to your healing process. Doing spiritual work is a necessity. (See the Resource section for a great book suggestion.)
You want to give yourself time to feel like you can walk without falling and hurting yourself, or be in a relationship without getting bruised again. A year is usually a good amount of time after the end of a relationship to work through a lot of the pain and sadness so you can trust yourself to be in the world again.
Learning to feel steady on your feet in the relationship world is learning to trust your emotions – I feel good when I’m with this person, I don’t feel good when I’m with that person; learning to know what works and doesn’t work for you; and learning to honor and enforce your boundaries. When you can do those things, then you will feel safe about being back in the dating world again.
But how much time is too much time? How much time is just withdrawal to keep from getting hurt versus working to heal? There isn’t a formula but there are some basic guidelines.
If you hear yourself saying negative things about men then you know you are protecting. If you are avoiding social events, then you are protecting yourself. If you date someone and they aren’t what you are looking for and you go into hiding, then you are protecting yourself.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about protecting yourself. What I’m encouraging you to do is to not go into hiding. Instead use your awareness, your boundaries and Source to protect you.
Ultimately you will need to get back out into the world to get centered, stable and feel good about life again. If I never went anywhere because I was afraid of falling and being hurt, then that would be hiding, not healing.
The ultimate healing comes when you’re back in the world.Getting back on your feet, going out on a date and surviving it. And you know what? If you fall down again, that’s okay. You’ll learn to take even better care of yourself.
One more important thing: You are connected to a powerful loving Source who wants to shower you with love, joy and abundance and is always with you, whether you realize it or not.
The day I fell in the airport, my husband was on one side and out of nowhere appeared a kind man to ask if he could help me up. I realized a little later he was an angel who touched my back to heal my pain and fear. My precious husband on one side and an angel on the other. I am loved. Source does help us when we fall or get hurt. We aren’t alone and we aren’t supposed to be.
Put your hand on your heart and breathe in Source’s love for you.
This is a loving supportive Universe. You are loved and watched over by an all loving, all-powerful Source.
Choose to know you are connected to that love, choose to feel that love. Choose to trust Source and your own footing and get back into the world. There will be an angel waiting for you to guide your way.
Imagine the possibilities…
© Carol Chanel
For healing from a painful relationship my all time favorite book is “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz.
“Once we have cleaned the wounds, we are going to use a powerful medicine to accelerate the process of healing. Of course, the medicine also comes from the same great Master: It is Love. Love is the medicine that accelerates the process of healing. There is no other medicine but unconditional love.”
“Love coming out of you is the only way to be happy. Unconditional love for yourself. Complete surrender to that love for yourself. You no longer resist life. You no longer reject yourself. You no longer carry all that blame and guilt. You must accept who you are, and accept everyone else the way he or she is. You have the right to love, to smile, to be happy, to share your love, and to not be afraid to receive it.”
You’ll love this book and if you’ve read it, you might want to reread it. It’s so beautiful and filled with love that your heart will open a little more with each reading.
Happy Heart Opening!
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
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Certified Life Coach
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