Are You “Conscious” of the Levels in Your Relationships?

Imagine a world where all human beings loved each other unconditionally. I can imagine feeling that warm, loving, light flowing from every soul I encounter. Coming from me and from them back to me. Peace. Joy. Bliss.

That is living at a consciousness level of 500 or above –unconditional love as discussed in “Power vs. Force.”

Isn’t that one of the things we secretly crave? Being loved for who we are.

There’s something equally important and we’ll get to that a little later.

Since most of the world doesn’t love unconditionally, let’s look at what you can do when you find yourself in a situation with someone who doesn’t unconditionally love you or themselves.

How do you function, get along and even thrive when you live and interact with people who aren’t at your consciousness levels?

Once we reach higher levels, we begin to significantly change; we want to change; and nothing can keep us from changing.

When we change, either people change with us, drop away, or we change how we see and interact with them.

What happens is our need for unconditional love changes.

Because we give it to ourselves and we feel it from the Divine Source, we don’t need it as much from our fellow humans.

Yes, it is absolutely lovely to have it. But it’s more important to give it and feel it for yourself.

When you give unconditional love, you will be flooded with love. Gloriously joyful, warm, centered, embraced by the power of love.

So how do we go about making relationships work with people that aren’t at that level of loving themselves and who don’t allow love to flow out of their hearts?

Let’s look at an example of a friend, business partner or a special love.


You have a long time friend who is fun, usually considerate and you’ve shared many experiences with her. But lately you notice that some of the things she does really bother you.

She doesn’t show up on time, and she always has some excuse. You observe that she isn’t thinking about you or her other friends, only about herself.

So what do you do?

First see if you can lovingly talk to her about what you observe without offending her. Then see if she will get some help for what is concerning her. If she is focusing on herself then she is in survival mode, in fear – the level of 100.

Let’s review the levels of consciousness in David Hawkins’ book, “Power vs. Force.” They start with shame at 20 and go to 1000 for total enlightenment. To really change and grow, a person has to be at 200 – courage, truth, integrity.

So at 100, your friend is not going to change on her own. Perhaps you can influence her to get help.

If she won’t, know that she will change when she’s ready. You can choose not to spend much time with her and lovingly let her know why.


Here the stakes are upped considerably if you are at different levels of consciousness.

Does your business partner offer complimentary strengths? And do they sometimes drive you crazy with their limited beliefs or lack of emotional control?

All the same steps apply as with a friend — such as talking about challenges, setting boundaries, working on yourself and encouraging them to get help.

And the other thing you can do is to hire a business coach and get some help with teamwork and leadership.

There’s a great book called “Leadership and Self-Deception” by The Arbinger Institute. It is a must read for all business people.

When you change, and change how you see the other person, then their strengths might be enough for you to be okay and thrive in the business partnership.

If the situation is intolerable, leave. You will be happy you did. But try everything first. Do your best.


What do you do when you have a spouse, boyfriend or special person who is not at your level of consciousness?

This takes a lot of love, work and patience, and equally important, not blaming.

In order for you to move up the consciousness ladder, you must not BLAME the other person for how you feel, for how your life is or isn’t working.

This is the biggest stumbling block I see and hear about in relationships.

If you’re blaming – Stop. If you’re getting blamed – tell the other person to stop.

Blame is from the ego. “You are making me feel this way or that way.”

The truth is, we make ourselves feel a certain way – in normal circumstances.

For example, suppose someone lives with a pessimist, and they start becoming negative and then blame the other person. That’s not right. They chose the person, they chose to think negatively. It’s not the pessimist’s fault. It’s their choosing.

If you live with someone who snores and you decide to share the same bedroom, don’t blame them if you can’t sleep. Sleep in separate bedrooms or get them help for their snoring.

It’s a copout to blame others for our reactions, feelings and emotions. We are solely responsible. That’s living at a high level of consciousness.

So once the blame is put aside and you take responsibility, then you can see what to do about living with someone who is at a different level of consciousness.

Keep working on yourself. Keep suggesting workshops, yoga, spiritual teachers, coaching, meditation, anything that encourages others to grow.


This I believe is the number one desire everyone has: TO BE SEEN AND LOVED.

Keep choosing to Silence your ego, to take responsibility, to meditate, to Surrender, to trust, to Serve the Divine Source, to lift your own consciousness.

Imagine the possibilities

© Carol Chanel

Q & A

From Jessie, a dermatologist in Austin, Texas:

Q: I’m living with a woman who has been married before and doesn’t want to get married again. We enjoy the same things – biking, yoga, healthy foods, reading and our work.

And we generally enjoy each other’s company. But sometimes she can get really nasty with me. And I never quite know why.

When she gets nasty I withdraw and that makes her even madder. What can I do? I can’t stand her when she gets nasty and I don’t want to leave her.

A: Jessie, it takes great courage to stay in a relationship where the other person is at times “nasty.”

It sounds like something triggers her outbursts. Have you figured that out?

When she’s calm, ask her what triggers her actions. Don’t get defensive with her answer and don’t let her blame you either. It might be something from her past.

Now I’m not suggesting that you are doing anything consciously to cause her nasty behavior. Far from it. It’s just that there is a trigger for it. It might not have anything to do with you and it might be something that you’re unintentionally doing.

Once you know, then work on two things: one, trying not to do what sets her off. And two, ask her to take responsibility for her actions and to change.

Tell her how important the relationship is to you, how much you love her, but that you won’t stay in a relationship where both people aren’t trying to change.

Tell her you know she can do it. Ask her what she needs from you and then to your best ability do that.

You can both change and grow. With love, responsibility, being conscious of each other’s feelings and wounds.

I know if anyone can make it work, you can Jessie


“LEADERSHIP AND SELF-DECEPTION” by The Arbinger Institute is a wonderfully useful book. It’s written in an easy-to-read, story-telling format that packs a big wallop.

Everyone I know – from CEO’s, Directors / Managers to Mom’s – find this book extremely useful.

It reminds you that what’s important are people first, tasks second. Too often we put the task ahead of the people. Efficiency and success are hindered from that perspective.

Please read this book. I’ve had many clients who have read the book and taken their workshops and become much more effective leaders as a result. And also enjoy their jobs more.

Carol's Services

I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.

We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.

Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?

You can visit my website at:

You'll find other articles there and more in-depth information about both my services and me.

Carol Chanel
Certified Life Coach 

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