“Do You Have a Type?”

Are all your love relationships similar?

My clients often say: “this new relationship is similar to my
previous relationship. In fact, in reminds me of the one before
that, oh, and the one before that one too.”

So what is the client referencing and why are they all similar?

Is she attracted to a certain type?

Perhaps a woman goes for the strong silent type. Or the
outgoing, romantic, charming type. Or they like successful men
who are so busy that they don’t give time to the women in their
lives. Maybe a woman is unfortunately attracted to abusive men
or really smart men. Or a certain ethnicity.

Is any of this sounding familiar?

Do you have a type of man that you are attracted to?

And why would you continually choose to be with the same type of
man that didn’t work for you in the first place?

What are you looking for?

Most women are looking for something from a relationship.

WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR

Some women are seeking validation from a type of man that reminds
them of their father.

Or the opposite of their father.

Or a man that reminds them of their first love.

Usually it’s the type of man that a woman thinks will give her what she
needs or wants in her life.

Maybe a successful man so that she can be a mom, and have their
children go to college, without having to struggle.

Maybe she wants a man who will take care of her emotional needs.
Maybe her previous boyfriend or husband cheated on her and she
wants someone to validate, value or re-establish her self-esteem.

Maybe she wants someone who is fun and outgoing – someone
to be playful with and have a good time.

Is any of this sounding familiar? Do you recognize your type?

Here’s the catch: each of these “types” come with a price tag, if you
are looking for them to DO something for you.

The fun man may not have any substance, the successful man may
be cold and unloving. The romantic man will need another woman
to romanticize.

WHAT NOT TO DO

Don’t think you can CHANGE this man! Don’t try to CHANGE him.

Whatever you do, don’t go unconscious and ignore certain signs.
Don’t for a second think that your love will heal him and that he’ll
suddenly change. Men and women change because they want to
and only when they are ready.

If you are comfortable with a man who is remote – that’s great. If you
don’t care if he is responsible and handles things around the house,
or in his life – that’s great. If you want a quick validation from a man
and won’t be hurt when he leaves – that’s great.

But don’t try to change them. It won’t work.

WHAT TO DO

Look to see why you are continuing to attract and be attracted to
this type of man.

What are you looking for? What does being with this type of man
mean about you?

Maybe it means: “If I am with a man who is successful, smart and
works hard then I am worthy of this type of man. If I am with
a man who is fun, charming and romantic, I must be valuable.”

Look to see what being with this type means to you.
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When you identify your perspective – your thoughts about the
type of man you are attracted to – then you can consciously choose
your man. Then you have a chance to be happy.

WHY BE IN A RELATIONSHIP

What are healthy reasons to be in a relationship?

Love, companionship, growth, learning, sharing, joy.

Notice I didn’t say validation, value, self-worth or self-esteem.

Can those things occur in a relationship? Yes. But if they are
the reason you are going into the relationship – it is doomed
before it gets started.

GOOD REASONS

Work on yourself first. Go work with a therapist, coach or healer,
someone who can help you with your personal issues.

Then you won’t need a relationship for the wrong reasons, you’ll
enjoy it for all the good reasons – love, joy, partnership, etc.

NEW CHOICE

Once you are clear on your reasons for wanting a relationship,
once you have healed many of your wounds – then you can enjoy
the right kind of relationship for you.

Then you can share love, companionship, joy, excitement, fun and
challenges.

imagine the possibilities…..

© Carol Chanel