How Your Ego Holds You Hostage

Catherine is a client of mine who was taken hostage by her ego. She was so unhappy because she felt unlovable. She thought if she could just draw in a man who would love her, then she would believe or know she was lovable.

And who could blame her for thinking that way or trying that approach. It seems so logical. Unfortunately it just doesn’t work that way. It wasn’t working for her.

Catherine was also scared. She was scared someone was going to hurt her, reject her, disregard her or try to control her.

That had been her experience. And the more she looked to men to convince her she was lovable the more bad experiences she had. So she had drawn the “logical” conclusion – she was unlovable.

Negative Self-Talk

Everyone seems to believe negative things about themselves? Why? It’s just the ego talking. Why do you believe the ego?

The ego can say the meanest things or the most discouraging things and you’ll believe it. Then most people end up feeling awful about themselves. And we wonder why it’s challenging to have exciting, passionate, healthy relationships.

Well you don’t have to listen to your ego any more. You just need to learn to listen to your heart and soul instead.

Your Heart and Soul’s Voice

Your heart and soul say kind, loving and supportive things about you. “You did great work on that assignment!” “Congratulations on trusting your intuition and not taking that route.” “Way to go – you got a B on that test! With all the things you had going on in your life, that’s awesome.”

Maybe you can’t hear your heart and soul saying positive, uplifting things because the ego’s voice is too loud. If so, quiet it down. There are three powerful ways to do that: meditation, focused breathing and quiet time. (More on those techniques later.)

Maybe you can hear your heart and soul but you’re used to listening to your ego, so it’s easier. Or maybe it sounds more persuasive.

If that’s the case, you can look at how it’s working for you to listen to your ego. It’s probably not working well. Life works better when we operate from the love and purity of our heart and soul. So perhaps you’ll make a renewed effort to listen to your heart and soul.

Why Listen to Your Heart and Soul

So if your life isn’t working as well as you would like it, remember one thing – your thoughts create your reality. So be determined to listen to your heart and tell your ego to go take a long, long, long walk. And never come back.

Don’t Expect Others To Do Your Work

Maybe you’re looking for evidence from the outside world to stop believing your ego and to trust your heart and soul. Here’s some reality: that will NEVER happen. Circumstances, other people and situations will always reflect your thoughts. You get what you think about, whether you want it or not. Your thoughts create your reality.

So if you want a different reality, change your thoughts. No one can prove or disprove a thought your ego has about you. Only you allow your ego to hold you hostage. Only you can change your thoughts and then change your reality.

So for instance, suppose you think you’re not smart. And you want someone to validate that you are – well you will always attract people who will treat you as if you aren’t smart. Or you won’t believe them if they tell you how smart you are.

What if you think you’re not thin enough, pretty enough, talented enough. Whatever word goes in front of the word “enough” doesn’t matter. You aren’t going to have evidence to convince you because you are putting out thoughts of negativity about yourself and that is exactly what you will get back. Negative reactions. Or no reactions. Or whatever your fear is – that’s what you’ll get back. Like attracts like. You get what you think about whether you want it or not.

Usually no matter what it is you don’t like about yourself, you make people work really hard to convince you. But you won’t be convinced. Because you are allowing your ego to hold you hostage. And people will give up trying. It’s just too much work.

What you get back will continue to convince you that your ego is right and you are unworthy, unlovable, undesirable.It’s all a LIE! And the worst part is, you are choosing to believe the lie. You are allowing yourself to be held hostage by your ego.

We’ve all done it. That is until we decide to stop. Get mad at your ego. Stop being nice to it.

Why You Don’t Want to Listen to Your Ego

Wayne Dyer, in his new book, “Inspiration” says “ego” is an acronym for “edging God out.” Ouch! You are allowing negativity to edge out the Divine Source of love. You came from God, Divine Source, whatever name you want to use, it doesn’t matter. You came from love and you are love. At your core you are love. That means you are lovable.

Yet, you’re letting your negative voice disconnect you from love, joy, peace, enlightenment and great relationships. You are letting your ego tell you at your core you are unlovable or unworthy or not good enough. NO!! You are love!

You Want Love?

Remember your thoughts create your reality. If you want love, joy, a partner, a great job, and /or to live your purpose then start connecting. Start choosing to remember you came from Love, you are Love and your life can have all the love and joy you can stand.

You have to believe that! No one can do that for you. No one can make you feel worthy of love. You want love, love yourself, love others and love Source. Stop that negative voice. It’s a lie. Stop choosing to believe the lie.

Get mad! Anger is good, it’s empowering. You won’t feel powerless, or despairing if you’re angry.

Quieting the Ego

Here are some powerful tools for quieting the ego:

Breathing – purposeful breathing. Exhale. Then slowly inhale. Exhale. Slowly inhale. Then to a count of 3, 5 or 10 (whatever you can do) inhale, hold the inhale to a count of 3, 5, or 10 and slowly exhale to a count of 3, 5 or 10. Do this 10 times, 3 times a day. Your will be so calm, so peaceful, so connected that your ego won’t stand a chance.

Meditation – after you’ve done your breathing exercise, sit quietly. Set a timer for 10 to 15 minutes and just let your mind relax. If you start thinking of something – that’s okay – just notice it and let it go. Go back to slow breathing.

Quiet Time – go out and sit somewhere peaceful, maybe somewhere in nature. Do your breathing and then just be quiet. Don’t do anything. Just let the beauty of nature fill you with good energy. You will hear your intuition and Source, if you’re quiet.

If you do one or two of those three things every day, you will begin to connect to Source, and nothing quiets the ego quicker than connecting to Source. And you can hear Source’s guidance and love, only in the quiet. So being quiet is the most positive thing you can do for yourself.

Let the love of God / Divine Source / Spirit fill you. Don’t Edge God Out, don’t let your ego rule ruin your life.

“The memory of God (Source) comes to a quiet mind. It cannot come where there is conflict; for a mind at war against itself remembers not eternal gentleness…What you remember is a part of you. For you must be as God (Source) created you…Let all this madness be undone for you, and turn in peace to the remembrance of God (Source), still shining in your quiet mind.” A Course in Miracles

Choose to quiet your mind. Choose to hear, live and act from loving thoughts. Choose to consciously and loving create your reality.

imagine the possibilities…

© Carol Chanel