Are You Turning Men Off?

Your Self-Image May be Spoiling Your Man’s View

Have you ever complained about your body in front of a man you like or love? Maybe you’ve pointed out something you consider a flaw? Most of us have. I’ll confess, I’ve done it.

Last week while getting my hair done I read an article about how destructive this complaining or criticizing was for the male author’s love and appreciation of women.

He explained how he saw women as beautiful and sensual. How he loved the feel of a woman’s soft skin, how he loved the look of a woman’s curves, her arms, legs, neck, etc. He was upset that women had spoiled their loveliness for him. For him, when a woman pointed out what she perceived as a flaw, he began to notice that “flaw” instead of seeing her beauty.

Women’s tendency to criticize their bodies was turning him off to women. He actually stopped seeing all their beauty.

I loved this man’s honesty, and his willingness to explain what happened to him when women do this. And I don’t think he’s different from other men.

I think all men would agree that a woman’s tendency to criticize her body spoils her loveliness for them.

So Why Do Women Criticize Their Bodies?

There are three reasons that come to mind. Some women are obsessed with their body image. Some think it’s a way to get compliments. (It’s not.) Some think men really believe women look like they do in magazines.

One woman told the author she wanted him to see her stretch marks ahead of time so he wouldn’t get grossed out and reject her. Well, as I read about this particular woman, I realized she was rejecting herself. He was so happy with her that he couldn’t have cared less about stretch marks.

I know there are a few neurotic men out there who demand perfection. (Good luck guys!) But you’ll know about that after one or two dates. Who needs a perfectionist? Run as fast as you can.

Most men aren’t perfectionists and they think women’s bodies are beautiful, soft, and feminine. Because they’re more muscular, hairy, harder, they see our beauty and admire it.

Most men are smart enough to know that the models they see in the pages of Vogue, and all other magazines, are digitally enhanced pictures that idealize women in order to sell products or glamour.

So if you want to see imperfection or reality, take a look at one of those models on the street without her makeup, lighting and the aid of Photoshop. Cindy Crawford says, “I wish I looked like Cindy Crawford.”

So if you are one of those women who criticize your body in front of your man, STOP. Don’t spoil his vision of you.

Make a promise not to EVER say anything critical about your body in front of him. Stop yourself from letting the words come out of your mouth. Then when you’re by yourself, ask yourself why you wanted to do that. It was about you after all. It had nothing to do with the man. Nothing. It’s your issue.

If you begin to really believe that men don’t want perfection you will lighten up on yourself. You are being destructive to your body when you criticize it. Negative thoughts and comments actually have a destructive effect on your cells. And you are made up of cells. Your body probably works pretty well for you, so don’t be mean it to.

Usually women complain about things that they think make them imperfect or undesirable. But the majority of men don’t want perfect. They want a woman who is fit, healthy, fun, appreciative of them. A woman who allows them to be a man and doesn’t expect them to act like their girlfriends. They want a woman who feels good about herself and isn’t always looking to the man to boost her up, to build her self-esteem.

We have to do that on our own. Men aren’t equipped or trained to do that for us. They don’t know how, don’t want to, and usually have had lots of experiences of doing it wrong and aren’t willing to try again.

So take care of yourself. Be kind to your body. Consciously breathe. The body loves conscious breathing. Go for a walk every day. Take a bubble bath. Stretch. Take a yoga class. Drink those 8 glasses of water a day. Eat healthy. And most important – appreciate your body. Say positive things about it to yourself and others.

If you do those few things you will be amazed at how good you feel and you won’t need a man to help you appreciate your body. You will appreciate it because you’re taking care of it.

Choose to be good to your body. Choose to experience the benefits of caring for your body. Choose to always think and talk positively about your body.

Imagine the possibilities…

© Carol Chanel