Let Antonio be Antonio!

This past weekend my husband and I were at a fabulous Italian restaurant in San Diego. We were laughing and talking, enjoying our wine and appetizers when the owner came over to check on us.

He was type A perfectionist. I watched him relax a little while he was chatting with us, but several times throughout dinner I noticed him being impatient and demanding with the wait staff. When I asked our waitress about it, she confided in me that the wait staff is on edge whenever he’s around.

As we were leaving, I wondered if I should say something to him about the impact of his behavior. My husband in his Zen-like, high-consciousness wisdom said to me, “Let Antonio be Antonio.”

I laughed and said, “You’re right of course.” My husband is always right about these things. He is Source’s gift to me so I can do my work and be in the flow of peace, love and joy.

So for the rest of the weekend our theme was “let Antonio be Antonio.” No matter what anyone was doing, that was our motto. It was so freeing. No judgment, no wishing someone was different, just going with the flow of how everyone behaved.

So I got to thinking. What would happen if we all did that? With everyone. Just let Antonio be Antonio or Aunt Mary be Aunt Mary. Let people be who they are.

Now, there are times you don’t want to do that – if someone is violating your boundaries, being abusive or doing something dangerous to you, themselves or others. But under normal circumstances it’s a freeing place to be.

So a driver honks his horn and is impatient – “let Antonio be Antonio.” Your boss is cranky when you submit your vacation request – “let Antonio be Antonio.” Your husband doesn’t want to do the laundry and complains about it. “Let Antonio be Antonio.”

You get my gist here. Let people be who they are. Some people are just inconsiderate drivers. You aren’t going to change them, but you can ignore them. Your boss can be cranky as long as you get your vacation. And your husband, well he doesn’t have to like doing the laundry, as long as he does it.

I think it’s more challenging with spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, siblings, parents, in-laws, bosses. But that’s only because we become invested in how these people impact us. The truth is they really can’t impact us if we don’t allow it. If they negatively impact you, get away from them until you can let them be.

Can you feel the freedom? The ease with which you can move through life? The flexibility you’ll have? The energy you’ll save by not trying to change people to fit your model of who they should be and how they should behave?

So next time you catch yourself wanting or demanding someone be different, save your energy, exhale and move on. If you want to change something, try changing something about yourself that isn’t working.

Choose to allow people to be who they are. Choose to accept them or get away from them. Choose to save your energy and use it for something other than changing someone else.

Choose to let Antonio be Antonio.

Imagine the possibilities….

© Carol Chanel