The Secret to Looking and Feeling Feminine

What determines how feminine you look?  Is it your body type?  Is it how you dress?  Is it your age?  Is it whether you wear makeup and heels?

It’s none of the above.  The answer has to do with the internal – not the external.

The secret to looking and feeling feminine is — choosing to be happy.

Happiness softens the edges we might have.  It gives us a sense of ease and flow. And that is truly what makes a woman feel and therefore be feminine.

Think about how you feel when you’re happy.  Usually you’re smiling, your energy is lighter, your heart is more open.  You can light up a room with your good energy.  And when you’re happy, you’re more likely to wear clothes that either make you feel comfortable and relaxed, and/or are incredibly flattering.

Can clothing enhance that feeling?  Sure.  Does your body type reflect that feeling?  No.

What reflects femininity is how you move in the world.  And how you move in the world comes from how you feel about yourself and your life.  And if you don’t feel happy right this minute, realize you can choose to think a happy thought and, in a moment, change to being and reflecting happiness.

One of the actual definitions of feminine is:

Possessing qualities or characteristics considered typical of or appropriate to a woman.

So that means if you’re a woman then you’re feminine.

So how come at times we don’t feel feminine?  The last few weeks I was in Hawaii and I spent some time thinking about this subject and watching women move around the Big Island.

One thing I noticed is that women who were relaxed looked more feminine.  Women who were stressed and controlling seemed less feminine.

So is stress one of the factors that at times makes you feel less feminine?  I think so.  Have you ever seen a woman really beautifully put together with a scowl on her face?  Is she appealing?  No.  Do you think of her as feminine?  No.  Usually you don’t want to be around her – and that goes for men and women.

Another factor that can make you feel less feminine is putting a tough facade around you to feel safe and protective of your body and heart.  Sometimes you don’t want to come off as feminine.  And that’s an acceptable choice.  Just be aware that you’re making that choice and make it consciously and appropriately, but not continually.  If you find yourself continuing to put up a tough facade, please get some help with boundaries and developing trust so you can feel safe again.

Remember, once you put up a protective barrier, you won’t feel feminine.  And that’s fine.  You don’t need to feel feminine all the time.  It’s when you never feel feminine, or you think it comes from the external that it causes you to feel inadequate compared to other women.  That’s an awful feeling and it’s not true.  You’re never inadequate compared to other women. All women have challenges they are dealing with or will deal with at some point in their lives.

So what can you do to feel feminine? 

We associate softness and gentleness with femininity.  It’s easy to be soft and gentle when you’re relaxed at the beach.  Or sitting at home reading a good book, or out laughing with friends.  It’s easy to be soft and gentle when you’re feeling safe and relaxed.

So do something relaxing.  Get a massage.  Go on vacation. Get some exercise and burn off the tension.  Have a cocktail with a friend at a beautiful setting. Take a yoga class and stretch your body.  Take the weekend off and curl up and read a book.  Get back in touch with yourself without the stress.

Once you get relaxed again you’ll feel softer, gentler and feminine again.  And then you’ll move in the world reflecting that femininity. 

Men are attracted to women who are relaxed and happy.  It’s really that simple.  Men aren’t as complicated as we are.  They are usually more easy-going.

As a result, a good man wants to be around a woman who takes care of herself, sees the world through a positive filter, finds the good in life, has fun and chooses to be happy.

More importantly than how a man thinks about you, is that you like yourself better when you take care of yourself, see your life as a series of positive experiences, choose to be happy and have fun. 

This summer if you want to look and feel feminine, work from the inside out.  And you will feel good in a matter of minutes.  The great spiritual teachers tell us to focus on a positive thought for 67 seconds.  That’s all it takes to change your thoughts.

Feeling feminine is just a perk, a by-product of being happy. 

Get a little dress or a pair of shorts and a fun tee shirt, get some fun sandals, paint your toenails the latest color blue or coral. Anything, just have fun. Play.  It’s summer!  You can choose to be happy and playful!

Imagine the possibilities…

© Carol Chanel