The Crazy Glue of Relationships
Do you ever feel like you’re “crazy glued” to an unhealthy relationship, and it seems impossible to get unstuck and let go?
There are two big reasons why. People get attached to relationships and the ego defines your self-image as a type of victim.
People get attached to relationships. It’s why it’s so hard to let them go when they aren’t working.
Letting go of a relationship that isn’t working requires surrendering the attachment to the person.
Why do we get attached and how do we unattach?
You get attached because you think this person is the source of, or reason for, your happiness. Maybe you felt happy with this person at one time.
Sometimes people remember a few great dates and hold on for years waiting for the return of that wonderful time. They “attach” to the person as the perceived source of their happiness and are afraid to let go. In the meantime, they’re unhappy, waiting to relive the unlivable past.
What’s really going on here?
David Hawkins’s in his book “I” says, “to let go of what is loved brings up a fear of loss. To the self, all love objects are seen as a source of happiness.”
“The core problem is the difficulty of letting go of emotional love – not because of the love itself but because of the attachment to that which is loved. We think that the loss of a love object brings grief, but actually, the grief is about the loss of the attachment itself, which is due to viewing the object of love as the source of happiness. Grief is due to the illusion that one has lost a source of happiness, and that the source of happiness is ‘out there’.”
(I had to reread that paragraph five times to get it. The last sentence really sums it up – if you’re feeling grief you think you’ve lost a source of happiness and that’s because you think the source is outside of you. Please remember relationships are eternal, we never lose the people we love. The form may change, but we don’t lose them.)
“If one looks at the feeling of happiness, it becomes clear that it is actually located within, although the trigger may appear to come from outside oneself; the sensation, however, is totally an inner feeling of pleasure. The source of happiness is therefore actually within and is released under favorable circumstances when the mind experiences a desired outcome. By inner examination, one will discover that the event merely triggers an inner innate capacity. With the discovery that the source of happiness is actually within one’s inner self and therefore cannot be lost, there is a reduction in fear.”
Again, what he’s saying is that the source of happiness is within you. If you feel great when you’re with a certain person, that great feeling is within you. They just trigger it in you, but it is already in you.
When you experience something that your mind says is wonderful – a romantic date – then you attribute the happiness you are feeling to the person responsible for the romantic date. The romantic date is a trigger because your mind perceives it as a “desired outcome.”
This is crucial to understand. It’s the mind’s interpretation of an event being a “desired outcome” that hooks you into believing the other person is the Source.
Ever notice that you feel se*y around certain people? That feeling is within you. They might trigger it, but it’s in you. It’s your mind reacting to things like a compliment, a smile, a look of appreciation, a turned head. If your mind perceives those things as a “desired outcome” then you might give the person doing those things the credit for making you feel se*y. Big setup.
Happiness, love, joy, excitement are all your emotions to feel, express and experience – anytime, anywhere, with anyone.
You don’t have to stay with a relationship that isn’t working for you because your ego creates fear when you think about leaving.
The ego clings to the object of happiness (the man or the woman) and tells you, you’ll never be happy, or find love, again if you let go of the person.
The second reason that letting go is hard has to do with your self-image. Are you staying because of your self-image? Do you see yourself as a victim? The ego loves that position. Do you see yourself as someone who isn’t lovable, isn’t good in relationships? The ego loves those positions.
You are not a victim unless you carry that energy. That’s a choice. You are lovable and as adept in relationships as the next person. They take work.
EGO OR HEART?
So if you want to let your ego run your life then you can choose victim. If you want to let your heart and soul guide your life then choose victorious and get moving. Find your own inner happiness and let that radiate out. You will then attract the most incredible people from that place!
It’s summer. Go out and enjoy the days and evenings. Get together with friends; make new friends by inviting someone to join you for a book signing, a bike ride, or a picnic lunch. Take a vacation, go to the beach or the lake. Play!
You can experience joy. You can attract the partner you desire.
Let go! Choose joy! Choose fun!
imagine the possibilities…
© Carol Chanel
Q & A
Marilyn in New York asked why it is so hard to let go of a relationship. I wanted to help her and others who have asked me for help in this area. I wrote the Article and the Resource section about the topic. Marilyn, I hope my in-depth answer provided you with insight and guidance for movement.
When you want to let go of a relationship, I believe in combining the two ideas from David Hawkins, and surrendering to, and trusting, a Higher Source to send you a wonderful person to be with in a loving relationship.
For additional support and information on relationships I love the Abraham material. It’s easy to understand, joyful and uplifting. I like their CD #7, Relationships and Agreements. They also have an excellent relationship DVD.
You can go to their website and type in “relationships”and see what specific information you’d like to order.
Their website is: http://www.abraham-hicks.com
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
Call me. You don't have to be stuck! And once you are unstuck you can be joyful and free again!
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Certified Life Coach
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