Is Your Ego Hijacking Your Values?
We all have values we want to honor in order to feel like we’re living our lives to the fullest. Values like freedom, integrity, accomplishment, health, connection, spirituality, creativity, adventure, etc. I always have my clients choose their 10 main values and take a look at how they’re currently honoring them.
In order to consistently honor your values you need good boundaries, otherwise your values will get pushed aside by other things like well-meaning but pushy people, demanding bosses, or last minute projects to name a few possibilities.
Here’s where you can get blindsided – sometimes your values become ego-driven not heart-influenced. Your ego, in essence, hijacks your values.
How do you know if this has happened? When you have a difficult time sticking to a boundary you’ve set to honor a value, and when you notice you’re not happy and your life is out of balance.
What To Look For?
You know your ego can hijack your values if you are trying to prove yourself, if you feel inadequate or insecure in any way, if you want others to approve of you, to validate you or make you feel worthy.
If any of those things sound important to you, be aware they require extra time and lots of hard work, and you might not have any time left for your other values.
For example, if you value physical fitness and you work out 3 to 4 days a week for an hour or two, you’ll still have plenty of time for other things. But if you spend 3 to 4 hours, 6 days a week working out, your ego has hijacked that value.
If you value accomplishment, you might work late a few nights a week or go in early a few days a week or spend an occasional Saturday working to get caught up. You will still have time for your other values.
But if you always work late and always work on weekends, then you’ve created an unhealthy balance in your life by allowing your ego to hijack your value of accomplishment. It’s no longer a value, it’s an ego-demand, and it’s telling you this is the way you must work to feel good about yourself.
Here’s how a justification of that ego-demand could sound: “I want to go home at a normal time tonight – 6:30 pm – and get changed to go out to dinner to celebrate my boyfriend’s birthday. I would love to wear my new dress instead of my work clothes. But I hate to leave all this work on my desk. My boss is used to me working until at least 8 pm. I don’t want him to think I don’t care. If I work until 7:45 I can get there on time and I won’t feel like I slacked off and then feel bad about myself. And then everyone will see how hard I work and what a great employee I am. Oh all right, I’ll keep working and just wear what I have on to dinner.”
Do you notice the need for approval of the boss and to be seen as a hard worker to feel good, versus honoring the part that wants to feel fabulous on a special night?
It’s important to have values, and to work hard at times to help you succeed in your career.
But constant hard work and overachieving doesn’t allow other areas of your life to be developed and nurtured. And it almost always backfires.
Why? Because you will never satisfy the part of your mind – the ego – that demands HARD work as proof of your worth.
Your ego can’t be satisfied. It doesn’t function that way. It keeps you stuck by denying you the very thing you want – to feel good about yourself, to feel worthy. You are worthy. You don’t have to prove it, but the ego says you do. However, the ego always lies.
So What’s The Solution?
Live from your heart and let it be the dominant voice you listen to. Then let your ego support your heart.
The ego says things like: “Keep working harder to prove yourself.” “Don’t be a slacker. Keep going – more, more, more.” “That’s not perfect, keep working on that sentence until it’s perfect.” “Finish that report tonight. You’ll have too much to do tomorrow otherwise.”
The heart says things like: “I’ve done a good job on this project. I don’t have to prove myself over and over again. I’ve already done that.” “I’m going to stop working on this sentence – it’s good enough.” “I’m going to stop working tonight and come in tomorrow and finish this report when my mind is fresh. I’ll delegate some things to other people so I can finish these other projects.” “I know I’m competent and a hard worker when I need to be and that’s what really counts.”
You won’t honor the boundaries you say you want to honor if your ego is in control and is the dominant voice you listen to. If your heart is the dominant voice, then you will use your determination to have balance in your life.
I have a program – “10 Ways To Regain Balance and Reduce Stress” – to help you live a more balanced life. I’ll include the information about it in the Resource section.
If you want to be happy you have to choose to create balance and honor all your values. They might change during your life, and you’ll have fun honoring the new ones.
Choose which 10 values you must honor to be truly happy. Then don’t let your ego, or anything else get in the way of honoring them and creating a happy, balanced, fulfilling and joyful life for yourself.
I want to share this great message from one of my favorite teachers: “The main event isn’t the destination; it’s the joyous journey. You didn’t come forth seeking assignments to complete. You came forth for reasons to flow, and to love and enjoy life. Even though you will return home at the end of any vacation, the idea of your holiday is not to complete it as quickly as possible so you can check it off of your list. The idea of your vacation – and of this life experience – is to have a joyous experience.”
Choose to have a joyous life experience! Choose to honor all your values and let your heart be the voice you hear.
Imagine the possibilities…
© Carol Chanel
Q & A
One of my clients called the other day and asked me for some steps to keep her from getting stuck in Yuma. Since she’s been working with me for a while she had the framework that I outlined in the main article. I wanted you all to have the framework so you could put the steps to work in your life.
Happy Dreaming, Happy Achieving
If you want more information about the subject matter in the main article there are two brilliant books and a CD that are insightful and inspiring.
“The Power of Intention” by Dr. Wayne Dyer
“Ask and It’s Given” by Abraham-Hicks
Abraham-Hicks Kansas City 9/14/05 CD – single CD, about $15.
Available on their website:
Or you can call them to order it at 1-830-755-2299
These books and CD’s are uplifting, inspiring and powerful and provide the tools you’ll need to have a life of happiness, love, fulfillment and joy.
Keep believing, allowing and receiving!
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
Call me. You don't have to be stuck! And once you are unstuck you can be joyful and free again!
If you would like to explore working with me, please call me at 310-998-8860.
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You'll find other articles there and more in-depth information about both my services and me.
Certified Life Coach
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