“How to be Wild and Free” Part 3
Here we are at the holidays, which is the perfect time for
practicing being Wild and Free!
Wild in your love! Free to be who you really are.
This series is to help you take your foot off the brake in
your relationships: verbally, emotionally and se*ually.
And I know you want to do that. Who doesn’t! It’s the place
where the aliveness lives in us. The joy, the power, the
excitement and fun!
In part one of “How To Be Wild and Free” in your relationships
we looked at the necessity of both people being Emotionally
Healthy in a relationship. And part two covered Knowing You’re
a Goddess, being feminine.
In part three, we’re looking at HOLDING GOOD BOUNDARIES.
And the holiday season offers a lot of opportunities to test our
willingness to hold and honor our boundaries.
HOLDING GOOD BOUNDARIES
What does it mean to Hold Good Boundaries?
It means paying attention to and holding firm on what works
for you. What is good and feels right for you.
You have to know what your boundaries are and with whom
you need to be vigilant about holding them.
You need to have boundaries with everyone. Boundaries are
what creates the safe space for us to be willing to be intimate.
In other words, without good boundaries you won’t risk intimacy.
You can’t. You don’t have any protection.
You won’t be willing to be wild and free without boundaries.
WHICH BOUNDARIES NEED WORK?
Which boundaries do you need to work on?
Is someone not respecting your request to be home early?
To go to bed early during the week?
Is a new relationship pushing you into areas where you’re not
yet ready to venture?
Is a boss expecting you to work late and on weekends?
Is a friend not calling when they say they will? Or showing
up late consistently? Or wanting you to overeat?
In the beginning, almost every session with my clients is
partially spent on boundaries. As women we didn’t learn
how to draw and honor them for ourselves.
And remember without good boundaries we don’t feel safe
enough to be completely intimate or wild and free!
One of my clients, I’ll call her Sara, was attractive, fun,
upbeat and didn’t know how to draw boundaries at the
beginning of relationships. So the men she dated would
think everything they did was fine when it really wasn’t.
She wanted to be with men who made her feel desirable, smart,
needed. She wanted her man to want to talk and share things
with her. These things were really important to her. She
learned to speak up when she noticed that she wasn’t feeling
safe or important.
When a man she dated jokingly put her down I taught her to
stand up for herself and to call him on it. It wasn’t funny
to her. He stopped when he realized it was making her feel
badly and causing her to pull away from him.
Another client I had wasn’t quite ready to be in a relationship
when she met a great man. Her boundary was “Not now. Sorry.”
She needed time and space to heal from a tragedy that had
occurred in her life.
WHERE DO YOU FEEL IT?
I can go on and on with client examples. Instead I want to ask you –
where do you feel it in your body when your boundaries have
been violated? Do you get sick to your stomach? Does your heart
feel an ache? Does your throat seize up?
That’s the exact time to speak up. Right then. If you do, you
don’t have to get angry – just firm.
PEOPLE LOVE BOUNDARIES
And here’s the most exciting truth – people love boundaries.
It tells them how to act. It teaches them how to treat us.
If you are with someone who doesn’t honor your boundaries –
DUMP THEM. Now!
WRITE DOWN YOUR BOUNDARIES
Make a list of all the boundaries that you previously let people
violate. One by one take a stand for yourself.
“I need you to be on time.” “I need to be home by 9:00p.m.
on weeknights.” “This is too fast for me. I need to slow down.”
“No thank you, I don’t want to eat that piece of cake.”
The people you WANT in your life will help you honor and hold
your boundaries. The others – get lost!
Here’s my challenge as we’re heading into the holidays:
who is the one person you most need to hold a boundary
with these next two weeks? What is the boundary?
Write it down. Plan to talk to them about it. Visualize the
talk going really well and the person saying they’d be happy to
do what you’re asking. Then calmly and lovingly ask for what
If you need support please e-mail me, I’d be happy to help.
Choose to hold your boundaries. Then you will feel safe to be
wild and free!
Imagine the possibilities….
© Carol Chanel
Q & A
From a 38 year old software manager in Seattle:
Q: I’ve been e-mailing a man I met on Match.com and I’m
wondering what the next step is. Do I meet him or talk to him
on the phone first? I’m more comfortable talking on the phone
first. He wants to meet.
A: This is the perfect opportunity to draw and hold your
boundaries right from the beginning. Stick with your instinct
to talk to him first. This is wise. I would recommend it even
if you hadn’t already stated a preference for doing it that way.
I have many clients who meet wonderful spouses and friends this
way and the biggest boundary I have them draw and honor is:
Take baby steps with internet dating. You’re a goddess,
make them work for the privilege of your company!
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
Call me. You don't have to be stuck! And once you are unstuck you can be joyful and free again!
If you would like to explore working with me, please call me at 310-998-8860.
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You'll find other articles there and more in-depth information about both my services and me.
Certified Life Coach
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