His Potential is Not a Great Partner!
One of the great things about being a woman is that we see the potential in everyone. We see it in our friends, siblings, co-workers, spouses, boyfriends and children.
This ability to see the potential in people is a huge gift we share with the world. We believe in people. As a coach, it’s a gift I’m honored to express everyday. I do see the potential in people; they pay me to see it and help them express it.
The gift of seeing the potential in someone becomes a problem when we try to have a relationship with the potential in the person and not the person as they are today.
Why is it a problem? Because you’re actually having the relationship in your head and not living it in your heart. You’re creating a fantasy man. A man you want him to be, a man he is capable of being, but isn’t being now.
Let me give you some examples:
Suppose you’re dating a man who you know can be successful in his chosen profession. Suppose that right now, he’s just coasting. He’s not trying to get promoted; he’s just enjoying life and doing what he needs to do to get by. That’s fine, unless you want to be with a man who is successful. If you do, then you will push him, try to analyze him or motivate him or maybe nag him.
What you aren’t doing is having a relationship with the man he is today, someone who is content where he is now. You’re trying to have a relationship with his potential. And he’s not there. This relationship you are having in your head will fall apart because it isn’t real.
Let’s look at another scenario where a woman wants to have children and sees her husband’s potential to be a great father. He’s not ready. He doesn’t want to have children. She keeps pushing; he digs his heels in even deeper. But she knows he’ll make a great father. You know where that marriage is headed, to the marriage counselor’s office, if not divorce court.
A third “potential” scenario is a woman who stays with a man who isn’t nice to her. Maybe he started off nice, but now he’s not kind. He ignores her boundaries, is critical, rude and inconsiderate of her feelings. And she stays with him because she remembers him as he was – kind. But now he’s not and she’s trying to have a relationship with the part of him that has the potential to be kind. But she’s really having a bad relationship with someone who isn’t.
She’s fooling herself and isn’t really having a relationship at all. She’s caught up in a fantasy. It’s not a good relationship. An unkind man or woman isn’t capable of being a good partner and co-creating a good relationship. You can’t partner with their potential.
Here’s the advice I have for you if you see their potential and want them to be living their potential. Accept them as they are! If you can do that, great, stay in the relationship. If they want to change, great. They’ll do it if they want to. If you can’t accept them as they are, move on. Don’t stay and frustrate yourself and make him feel badly about himself. He is who he is. And that needs to be enough for you, or move on.
You can see their potential, you can believe in them, but accept them as they are. Let them be who they are. And most important, have the relationship with them as they are.
Unless they are paying you to push them to express their potential, just see it, know it and keep believing in them.
Let him be who he is. He’s going to anyway, you might as well enjoy him and quit trying to fix him. It’s a lot more fun and he might surprise you.
And if you want to work on someone’s potential, work on your own! If you can see it in others, it means you’ll be able to see it in yourself. If you’re having trouble envisioning it and expressing it, give me a call. Or call a friend, another coach or a favorite older person.
Who knows, if you give expression to your potential, you might set an example for him. He’ll see what potential looks like and the joy you’re experiencing by living it. That might encourage him to take the leap.
Don’t let your potential go to waste! Let it flourish. You’ll be electrified at the joy of expressing it.
Imagine the possibilities
© Carol Chanel
“INSPIRATION” by Wayne Dyer is subtitled “Your Ultimate Calling.” If you want some assistance with expressing your potential this is a great book. I first heard it on CD and loved hearing Dr. Dyer read this book. I decided I needed to buy it and read it as well.
You’ll read wonderful stories of people who were inspired to live their life calling. The wonderful and powerful quotes from wise men and women will inspire you to believe in yourself and your potential.
Patanjali’s quote from 2000 years ago about the enormous importance of your life purpose is included in the book and I want to share it with you.
“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds, your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties, and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”
Get inspired by reading “Inspiration!”
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
Call me. You don't have to be stuck! And once you are unstuck you can be joyful and free again!
If you would like to explore working with me, please call me at 310-998-8860.
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Certified Life Coach
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