Do You Give Up On Yourself Too Easily?
I’m not a big sports fan but I do love to watch individuals or teams come from behind. The other night the Boston Red Sox were down 7 to 0 in the 7th inning and facing elimination in their playoffs with the Tampa Bay Rays. They came back to win 8 to 7. How did they do that? They didn’t give up on themselves or their teammates and to a man, had no doubt they could win that game!
As you think about your life where do you give up too easily on yourself? Is it in relationships, career, money, health, or your exercise commitment?
Everyone has an area where they are more likely to give up. I’m going to focus on giving up in relationships, but you can apply this information to any area.
In relationships, people give up usually before anything gets going or when the relationship is new and so much is unknown and they feel a little insecure or unsettled at times.
I coach clients all the time about staying positive when they want to meet someone fun, healthy, exciting and interesting to date. They start off full of resolve and excitement and then, if they don’t meet someone within a month or two, the doubt starts to creep back in. The minute that happens, they are now blocking the person they want to meet from coming into their life.
Doubt, fear, cynicism, mistrust, disappointment, despair and depression block everything good you want from coming into your life.
The Law of Attraction says you get what you think about, whether you want it or not. So if you approach attracting a relationship, money, friends, a job or anything else from the perspective of doubt or fear, you will attract things that will give you more reasons to doubt, be fearful and mistrusting.
If you really want to attract a great relationship you need to be positive. And you need to understand you are part of a loving, providing Universe (Source) that will bring you anything you want. Even when you are having trouble being positive, even when you’re down 7 to 0 in the bottom of the 7th, remember anything is possible. It’s not over. If you are still breathing, it’s not over.
So don’t give up!! Stop your mind’s negative dialogue. Everyone I coach, who stays positive, ultimately meets someone wonderful because when they move their resistance aside that allows the person into their life.
Don’t say to yourself, well the last person I thought I liked didn’t want to date me. Or the man I was attracted to at the party last night totally ignored me, so I guess I’m not attractive. What if the Universe was saving you from a bad relationship?
Be positive. Don’t give up on yourself. You are meant to meet someone who lights you up and brings out the realization that you are fabulous.
Once you’ve allowed yourself to meet someone wonderful and start dating them, the next challenge where you might give up too easily is after a few dates.
You’re Past the Third Date, Now What?
You’re past the third date, you’re having fun and you would like to keep dating this person. But since you don’t know where it’s going, and you don’t really know the other person, some doubts, mistrust and your past hurts start to creep into your mind, and when they do, they interfere with the relationship.
Even if you’ve worked on yourself and you feel good, there is likely to be an insecure teenage voice in your head reminding you about all the reasons they won’t keep liking you. Or the adult voice reminding you of all the relationships that didn’t work out, or the big one that didn’t work out, or the people who weren’t kind, or honest to you. Don’t be a victim of past relationships.
What do you do now? Well you’ll probably hear a voice in your mind that sounds familiar to you – either an insecure teenager or an insecure adult. Or both. Listen to what they’re saying and you’ll be able to identify around what age you first heard these insecure thoughts.
If your teenager is upset, sit your teenager down and talk to her as a loving, wise mother. Imagine what she might have said that would have comforted you and talk that way to yourself. Something like – you are perfect and the right person will see that in you and be excited to find you. Be patient.
If your adult is upset, sit your adult down and say something wise like – this is a new person, give him or her a chance. All those past relationships are irrelevant. Those people aren’t here. Give yourself a chance. Give love a chance.
The Most Important Thing To Do When Dating
Once you’ve settled yourself down, there’s only one rule I want you to follow: be yourself. Don’t do or say anything that goes against who you are in order to keep dating this person. You’ll seriously regret it if you do. Because then he or she won’t fall in love with the real you, they’ll fall in love with the person, you are pretending to be. You won’t be able to keep it up and you won’t like yourself for being untrue to nature.
If you’re an open and loving person, be open and loving. If you’re quiet and serious, be that. If you’re outgoing and like to play, do that. Whatever your true nature is, be that person.
Let yourself make mistakes, let yourself say and do things that the other person might not like. If you say something inappropriate, apologize. If you do something you wish you hadn’t done, apologize and do better next time.
If anyone expects you to be perfect then run as fast as you can. Perfection is a real bore in relationships and worse, it creates an impossible image to live up to, and leads to judgment and control. Run!!
Humans Make Messes
One of my favorite coaching instructors was fond of saying, “Human beings make messes. We can clean them up.”
So be willing to make a mess, be willing to clean up any messes you make. Take responsibility for your actions, thoughts and fears. Then let it all go.If the other person wants to keep bringing it up, try one more time to clean up and, if that doesn’t work, move on. I mean get out of the relationship! You’ll be in for a life of misery otherwise.
Be Willing to Walk Away And Start Over
Then be willing to start the dating process over again from a joyful perspective. Go back to believing that you will meet someone who is a great fit for you. Realize the last person was teaching you to learn to believe, to learn to be yourself, to learn to be willing to clean up any messes and to be willing to take appropriate responsibility.
Whatever you do, don’t give up on yourself! You don’t have to get it right the first time. So what if you date five or six people before you find the person you want to be in a relationship with. You’re learning about yourself as you interact with each person. You are refining what you want in another person and how you want to be in a relationship.
And here’s a key point – you have to want the relationship, job, money, or a healthy body, more than you want to be right about why you won’t ever have it. Remember the mind likes to be right. So be aware of what your mind is saying to you and how it tries to get you to give up so it can be right.
It’s a choice whether to give up or not. Choose to believe. Choose to go out on the next date. Give the person a chance. More importantly, give yourself a chance. Be yourself!!! Give yourself a chance to love, laugh and live!!
Imagine the possibilities….
© Carol Chanel
To compliment my ezine I want to recommend that you read or listen to the fabulous book, “Ask and It’s Given” by Esther and Jerry Hicks, The Teachings of Abraham.
Here are some quotes from the book:
“It is our intention to help you remember that you are extensions of Source Energy; that you are blessed, loved Beings; and that you have come forth into physical time-space-reality to joyously create.”
“There is nothing that you cannot be, do or have.”
“Why is it taking me so long to get what I want?”
“It is not because you do not want it enough. It is not because you are not intelligent enough. It is not because you are not worthy enough. It is not because fate is against you. It is not because someone else has already won your prize.”
“The reason you have not already gotten what you desire is because you are holding yourself in a vibrational holding pattern that does not match the vibration of your desire. That is the only reason – ever!”
“So now, the only thing you need to do is gently and gradually, piece by piece, release your resistant thoughts, which are the only disallowing factors involved. Your increasing relief will be the indicator that you are releasing resistance, just as your feelings of increased tension, anger, frustration, and so on, have been your indicators that you have been adding to your resistance.”
“Ask and it is given, every single time.”
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
Call me. You don't have to be stuck! And once you are unstuck you can be joyful and free again!
If you would like to explore working with me, please call me at 310-998-8860.
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Certified Life Coach
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