Do it Differently This Time?
Last week I was talking to a former client – this amazing, precious, fabulous man who is filled with love, joy and brilliance. He learned to love and value himself and from that place share his extraordinary gifts with the world.
We started talking about doing things differently. And how different approaches in relationships bring better and more rewarding results. It takes courage and a willingness to risk, and brings you unexpected benefits – joy, love, freedom.
So I started thinking what if we all decided to do things differently. To handle situations differently. To say different things. To think different thoughts.
Things to Handle Differently
For instance, you might notice that when you are faced with a man who doesn’t understand what you’re saying, that you normally get frustrated and think he isn’t listening.
What if the next time you encountered that situation you decided to explain yourself more slowly, give him time to process what you said, and then asked if what you said made sense to him?
What might be the result of doing it that way? Probably more positive than thinking the man isn’t listening, which sends you both into feeling defensive.
People process things at different speeds and depth. Maybe something caught his attention, diverted him for a split second and he lost where you were in the story. Maybe he was too embarrassed to tell you he didn’t understand.
What if you have a fight with someone and your normal tendency is to withdraw and this time you decide to stay?Nothing gets resolved when you withdraw. Imagine staying – with all your discomfort – and talking it through. Can you see how that would allow you to get closer and let you both feel better?
What if you go on a date and the man doesn’t call you for a few days? Do you start to think he’s not interested? Imagine instead, you just live and enjoy your life, with or without his call. Then if he did call, how would you be on the phone with him? Relaxed, friendly, happy to chat with him. And he would be so relieved that you were happy he would want to spend more time with you. If he doesn’t call back, he’s just not the right man for you. Trust – he’s out there.
Your ego wants to hold on to the old way of reacting, your heart and soul want to respond to situations and communications in a heart-centered, loving way.
I want you to pick one thing and do it differently this week. Look at a situation that normally doesn’t work well for you and decide how you want to do it differently. Choose either a situation, thought or action.
For example, you could choose a communication with a boss, co-worker, boyfriend or sibling. Or you could choose a thought about men or women in general and shift it: “men I like don’t like me” to “men I like find me fun, exciting and want to spend time with me.”
The key here is to not judge the other person or yourself, to be compassionate and to give them a chance, and to not take things personally. Be willing to do things differently and therefore get different results. Be willing to be filled with joy and love.
And understand that relationships will be messy at times – be willing to help clean up any mess, regardless of whom you think made the mess.
Be willing to trust yourself and others!
imagine the possibilities…
© Carol Chanel
Q & A
From Andrea, a 37-year-old financial planner in Baltimore, MD.
Q: Carol, I seem to have the same experience every time I go out with a new man. We have a good time and I think he’s interested and then he doesn’t call. What am I doing wrong? I’ve tried not calling, calling, wishing, not wishing. Help!
A: Andrea, first you aren’t doing anything wrong. If you only knew how most people have negative self-talk that gets in their way of moving forward in life or relationships.
So if you know for a fact that it’s not personal and you take the pressure off yourself that you need to do something “right” or not “wrong,” then I know you’ll have more fun and go with the flow.
Next, let’s look at what you might do differently on the date. I have a hunch after reading your question that you now have a perspective that either something is wrong with you, or men don’t find you interesting. Something like that. I want you to find the perfect words.
Then when you’ve found the perfect words I want you to shift that perspective. For instance, if it’s that something is wrong with you, shift that – immediately, please – to: I am a desirable woman and I am ready to attract and be in a relationship with my perfect man.
Choose words and the thought behind the words that have true meaning for you. Words that will really come out of your mouth that you believe.
From your new perspective, you will attract men that are interested in you.
Spend more time finding out about them before going on a date. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you know there won’t be any chemistry or any reason for a second date. Be discerning and choosy!!! And then have fun. No expectation. If it goes to a second date great, if not then it was fun for an evening.
Your ideal partner is out there waiting for you. My teleclass on this very subject will be held in September. So you can take advantage of that for further clarity.
In the meantime, shift your perspective and have fun Andrea!
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I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
Call me. You don't have to be stuck! And once you are unstuck you can be joyful and free again!
If you would like to explore working with me, please call me at 310-998-8860.
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Certified Life Coach
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