15 Relationship Green Flags
Most of us have read about red flags in a relationship. They are signs that tell us this person may be hazardous to our hearts. You know you’re heading for trouble if you’re dating a man who is an addict, married, committed to his job, unavailable emotionally or physically, abusive, angry, unkind, broke, etc. Knowing the red flags can help you know what to avoid. And we all need, from time to time, outside guidance to know what to avoid, until we learn what doesn’t work for us.
Recently one of my clients said, “Okay so I get what doesn’t work. What does work?” Great question. Let’s look at the signs that tell us to go ahead and continue the relationship. Also by looking at the green flags, you’re putting yourself in a positive frame of mind and a positive energy field to attract what you do want. Focus on the positive.
15 Green Flags
Feeling good about yourself – when you’re with him you feel good about yourself. You like yourself.
Laughter – you both laugh when you’re together because you’re having fun. He can laugh at himself when he makes a mistake, which means he’s healthy and he’ll allow your mistakes.
Outside Friends and Interests – he supports you in maintaining your friends and interests and he maintains his. This is crucial and shows you he’s healthy and wants you to have your own life too.
Good manners – opening your car door, letting you go through the door first, eating like a gentleman – using a fork and knife, knowing when to tip, polite to wait staff
Introduces you to his friends and family – at an appropriate time interval. Not the first week, maybe the 2nd month of dating for friends and the 4th – 6th month for family.
Shows you he cares– he’s not a word only guy. He actually shows you. Remember the old axiom: “actions speak louder than words.”
Passion and Romance – you have the same level of interest. For example, if you love candlelight dinners, he’s willing to enjoy them too; and you’re willing to enjoy whatever his version of romance is. Passion – keep it going.
He pays – for dinners and other treats. Men like to pay. It doesn’t mean you can’t treat him to a lunch or something, but men show you how they feel about you when they pay and they like how it makes them feel.
Communicates about his activities – he lets you know what he’s up to. So you know whether he’s with other women or with his male friends at a ballgame or at a bar.
Healthy – emotionally, physically, spiritually. He takes care of himself emotionally, physically and spiritually.
Likes his job – he likes it and has fun with it.
Likes his mother and sisters (if any) – he’s got a healthy respect for them.
Respects you – he shows you he respects you by the things he does, like paying; opening your car door; if you drive separately to the restaurant, he not only pays for the meal, but also for the valet parking and the tip. He asks for and listens to your point of view and wants your ideas on things.
Trusts you – he believes you when you tell him you’re going on a girls weekend to a spa, or when you say you can’t go out or even call him back because you have to work on a big project. He gets it and realizes you need to take care of yourself.
Loves you – men want to love and cherish the woman they’re with. It makes them feel good about themselves.
Can you have all those things in one man? YES!!!! Absolutely. And please don’t settle for less.
Set your intention. Prioritize the green flags any way you want to and don’t exclude any.
Choose to attract this awesome man into your life. Choose to allow yourself to have a glorious committed relationship with this man.
imagine the possibilities…
© Carol Chanel
Q & A
From Heather a 31-year-old customer service Mmanager for a large multinational corporation headquartered in New York City
Q: Carol, I keep meeting and dating men who are unavailable. Why is this happening? I want to settle down and have a family at some point. First I want to meet a wonderful man and form a strong relationship with him. Why do these unavailable men keep coming into my life?
A: First Heather lets look to see where you might not be available. If they are coming into your world then there is a reason they are being attracted to you.
If you are scared, or have had a bad experience and haven’t resolved it, then you might be unconsciously protecting yourself and keeping an available man away.
If that’s not the case, and if you are really ready, then perhaps it’s that you are not reading the “unavailable” signals quickly enough. Some men are pretty clever but most will tell you very soon if they aren’t available. You must listen and believe them.
So you now know what constitutes unavailable – married, other girlfriend, not interested in a committed relationship, moving to another state, striving to be at the top of his field.
So what does available look and sound like? He’s not involved with anyone else. He’s not nursing a broken heart. He is open, trusting, balanced in work and play. He lives within 30 minutes or so of you. He makes plans to see you regularly and follows through on those plans. He calls regularly. He’s a good guy.
Look at the list I wrote in the main article. That is the kind of man you want to attract. Don’t for a moment think you can change a man who doesn’t want to commit. You can’t. Don’t think you can help him get over the other woman. You can’t. Don’t think you can convince him not to move for his job. You can’t. Men decide these things on their own, at their own pace.
So pay very close attention to their words and actions. And if you get a sense of not available — run!!! Very fast.
I want you to set an intention to attract an available man. It will sound something like, “It’s my intention to attract a perfect man for me who is emotionally and physically available, who when I’m with him I feel gorgeous, loved, cherished, nurtured, valued and happy!” Put it in your own words.
Open the space for the available men and choose which one feels best and don’t settle. You don’t have to. Have fun with this process. You’ll meet lots of wonderful men to choose from. Happy Dating Heather!
I had almost forgotten about this book until I rediscovered it last week cleaning my bookshelf. It’s a powerful book that will guide you to love.
“The Path to Love” by Deepak Chopra.
Here’s an edited version of the description written on the back of the book:
Blending Eastern wisdom with Western practicality, Deepak guides you to clear away the obstacles to love in your life, gives you strategies for restoring love and for finding romance that will last a lifetime.
It will also guide you to self-love as a starting place. He gives you a blueprint to your own heart. And from that place you will see and experience love everywhere.
Enjoy this wonderful book!
I teach people to overcome the obstacles that keep them stuck yet longing for romantic relationships, more self-confidence and inspiration to accomplish their dreams.
We sometimes forget what it feels like to live from our hearts and souls. We forget the thrill of taking the brakes off and flying. Life is dull if we just live from our minds.
Are you - or someone you know - settling, for less than exciting, either in relationships or a career?
Call me. You don't have to be stuck! And once you are unstuck you can be joyful and free again!
If you would like to explore working with me, please call me at 310-998-8860.
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Certified Life Coach
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