Do You Give Up On Yourself Too Easily?
I'm not
a big sports fan but I do love to watch individuals or teams
come from behind. The other night the Boston Red Sox were
down 7 to 0 in the 7th inning and facing elimination in
their playoffs with the Tampa Bay Rays. They came back to
win 8 to 7. How did they do that? They didn't give
up on themselves or their teammates and to a man, had no
doubt they could win that game!
As you
think about your life where do you give up too easily on
yourself? Is it in relationships, career, money, health,
or your exercise commitment?
Everyone has
an area where they are more likely to give up. I'm
going to focus on giving up in relationships, but you can
apply this information to any area.
In relationships,
people give up usually before anything gets going or when
the relationship is new and so much is unknown and they
feel a little insecure or unsettled at times.
I coach clients
all the time about staying positive when they want to meet
someone fun, healthy, exciting and interesting to date.
They start off full of resolve and excitement and then,
if they don't meet someone within a month or two,
the doubt starts to creep back in. The minute that happens,
they are now blocking the person they want to meet from
coming into their life.
Doubt,
fear, cynicism, mistrust, disappointment, despair and depression
block everything good you want from coming into your life.
The Law of Attraction
says you get what you think about, whether you want it or
not. So if you approach attracting a relationship, money,
friends, a job or anything else from the perspective of
doubt or fear, you will attract things that will give you
more reasons to doubt, be fearful and mistrusting.
If you
really want to attract a great relationship you need to
be positive. And you need to understand you are part of
a loving, providing Universe (Source) that will bring you
anything you want. Even when you are having trouble
being positive, even when you're down 7 to 0 in the
bottom of the 7th, remember anything is possible. It's
not over. If you are still breathing, it's not over.
So don't
give up!! Stop your mind's negative dialogue. Everyone
I coach, who stays positive, ultimately meets someone wonderful
because when they move their resistance aside that allows
the person into their life.
Don't
say to yourself, well the last person I thought I liked
didn't want to date me. Or the man I was attracted
to at the party last night totally ignored me, so I guess
I'm not attractive. What if the Universe was saving
you from a bad relationship?
Be positive.
Don't give up on yourself. You are meant to meet someone
who lights you up and brings out the realization that you
are fabulous.
Once you've
allowed yourself to meet someone wonderful and start dating
them, the next challenge where you might give up too easily
is after a few dates.
You're
Past the Third Date, Now What?
You're
past the third date, you're having fun and you would
like to keep dating this person. But since you don't
know where it's going, and you don't really
know the other person, some doubts, mistrust and your past
hurts start to creep into your mind, and when they do, they
interfere with the relationship.
Even if you've
worked on yourself and you feel good, there is likely to
be an insecure teenage voice in your head reminding you
about all the reasons they won't keep liking you.
Or the adult voice reminding you of all the relationships
that didn't work out, or the big one that didn't
work out, or the people who weren't kind, or honest
to you. Don't be a victim of past relationships.
What do you do
now? Well you'll probably hear a voice in your mind
that sounds familiar to you - either an insecure teenager
or an insecure adult. Or both. Listen to what they're
saying and you'll be able to identify around what
age you first heard these insecure thoughts.
If your teenager
is upset, sit your teenager down and talk to her as a loving,
wise mother. Imagine what she might have said that would
have comforted you and talk that way to yourself. Something
like - you are perfect and the right person will see
that in you and be excited to find you. Be patient.
If your adult
is upset, sit your adult down and say something wise like
- this is a new person, give him or her a chance. All those
past relationships are irrelevant. Those people aren't
here. Give yourself a chance. Give love a chance.
The
Most Important Thing To Do When Dating
Once
you've settled yourself down, there's only one
rule I want you to follow: be yourself. Don't do or
say anything that goes against who you are in order to keep
dating this person. You'll seriously regret it if
you do. Because then he or she won't fall
in love with the real you, they'll fall in love with
the person, you are pretending to be. You won't be
able to keep it up and you won't like yourself for
being untrue to nature.
If you're
an open and loving person, be open and loving. If you're
quiet and serious, be that. If you're outgoing and
like to play, do that. Whatever your true nature is, be
that person.
Let
yourself make mistakes, let yourself say and do things that
the other person might not like. If you say something inappropriate,
apologize. If you do something you wish you hadn't
done, apologize and do better next time.
If anyone expects
you to be perfect then run as fast as you can. Perfection
is a real bore in relationships and worse, it creates an
impossible image to live up to, and leads to judgment and
control. Run!!
Humans
Make Messes
One of my favorite
coaching instructors was fond of saying, "Human beings
make messes. We can clean them up."
So be
willing to make a mess, be willing to clean up any messes
you make. Take responsibility for your actions, thoughts
and fears. Then let it all go. If the other person
wants to keep bringing it up, try one more time to clean
up and, if that doesn't work, move on. I mean get
out of the relationship! You'll be in for a life of
misery otherwise.
Be Willing
to Walk Away And Start Over
Then
be willing to start the dating process over again from a
joyful perspective. Go back to believing that you will meet
someone who is a great fit for you. Realize the last person
was teaching you to learn to believe, to learn to be yourself,
to learn to be willing to clean up any messes and to be
willing to take appropriate responsibility.
Whatever
you do, don't give up on yourself! You don't
have to get it right the first time. So what if
you date five or six people before you find the person you
want to be in a relationship with. You're learning
about yourself as you interact with each person. You are
refining what you want in another person and how you want
to be in a relationship.
And
here's a key point - you have to want the relationship,
job, money, or a healthy body, more than you want to be
right about why you won't ever have it. Remember
the mind likes to be right. So be aware of what your mind
is saying to you and how it tries to get you to give up
so it can be right.
It's
a choice whether to give up or not. Choose to believe. Choose
to go out on the next date. Give the person a chance. More
importantly, give yourself a chance. Be yourself!!! Give
yourself a chance to love, laugh and live!!
